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Feb 15, 2010

First the Natural, Then the Spiritual ~ Or So I've Heard...

Before the alarm went off this morning, I was in that place between sleep and wake. In that state of half-way, I remembered my icy drive last January from Denver to One Fine Man. The dream thoughts nagged me and my teacher mind said, "first the natural and then the spiritual."
And I sighed and covered my face. No more seasons of pain and puzzle pieces for awhile please. Just let me be. But YOU know best.

This morning after One Fine Man hugged and kissed me and walked out the door, I searched for this post. The "natural" post. I think I must now be living the "spiritual."
If you have any interest in reading the full post from January 13, 2009, it's here. Almost a year to the date...and my heart is pounding because the "ride" is frightening and the "trip" is a nightmare.

Partial repost from 1/13/09 ~
"My day began at 4:45 a.m. After two flights and a layover, I arrived in Denver. I picked up my rental car and the most frightening ride of my life began. The first half hour was not bad. The rest of the trip was a nightmare.

The winds were so high in the mountain passes I thought at any moment my vehicle would be blown over the divider to plunge how far - I had no clue. Later I heard the winds were gusting in excess of 85 - 100 mph. Then it began to snow. I have lived in Florida for 19 years. Enough said. White knuckling the steering wheel, I prayed. I sang. I cried. I told myself to focus, focus, focus. I thought about pulling over for a while but the idea of driving the rest of the way in the dark was scary, too. Then there were the signs:
Gusty winds, Avalanche, Falling rocks, Icy roads.

Finally, I arrived at the hospital. I sat in the car a few minutes thanking God I had made it.When I got to the 2nd floor and stopped at the nurses desk, several of the staff on duty looked at me, their mouths open. “You drove in this?” they asked. One nurse hugged me and asked if I was all right. With her kindness, I could only nod, my tears threatening to spill."


I found this picture on an old blog post today. At times, Andrew and I played Scrabble a lot. Sometimes we could only come up with 3 and 4 letter words. Some days we would keep the board up for hours and work a little at a time. "I went. It's your turn, Mom." I miss my Scrabble buddy. I miss my boy. One more morning, one day closer.


  1. I don't have any words, Melanie. Just know I am crying with you, for you.
    xo, misha

  2. First the natural,then the spiritual. Those words run through my mind almost daily. Connect the dots, puzzle pieces, see more, also fill my spaces. Most of the time it feels like a game of scrabble. I'm stuck trying to figure it out, but truth is revealed.
    Thought about you several times yesterday. I know you ache for Andrew. I remember your words from last year. I have no words for the year you experienced. I offer prayers to God for you and your family. We are one day closer.
    This verse comes to my mind.
    Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror, then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully even as I am fully know.
    Love to you my friend, B

  3. Spiritual and then Physical nightmares are hard. While I've not gone through what you're experiencing, times have been tough enough where I went a year without asking God to change me. I didn't want the pain and it just seemed it wasn't for the good. Obviously, God is an all-knowing and loving God, and you are in a far better place spiritually than I was during my darkest hour so far. I love you Melanie.

  4. Our friend B had the perfect Scripture for you today!
    Right on - "B"!

    As I read through this post - the Lord somehow drew my eyes over to your sidebar when I was scrolling down and I caught the words "heart" 2X in your profile. I paused to read it again. I had read this profile before and even remember it - but because right now - in this moment - God is seeking to teach me all about the INSIDE~OUT of HIS HEART
    - suddenly your profile words sounded a lot like GOD's
    speaking to me - to us - to you!

    You wrote there:
    "With the heart of a learner and a seeker, I speak, write and teach-not always in a classroom but always from the heart. 'My thoughts soar with words for wings.'"

    Whew! You do teach from your heart Melanie - and speak and write and engage with us every tine we come here!

    It seems from your profile that - SO DOES GOD!!

    In your post today, you said in the beginning...

    "And I sighed and covered my face. No more seasons of pain and puzzle pieces for awhile please. Just let me be. But YOU know best."

    I'm soooo glad that you added that last line because that says it ALL! God desires to engage with us at every bend in the road, every cloud in the sky, every mountain cliff where we can't seem to hold on ------ all to teach us about HIS HEART!

    May we never push Him away [the healing only takes longer that way] but may we say what you said here:

    "But YOU know best."

    I am LUVing - getting to know God from the INSIDE~OUT of His HEART - even IN the midst of my own pain and suffering! He gave me a huge glimpse of His HEART here today on your post!

    Keep writing..... let Him pour IN - so you will have more to pour OUT. It's the very way He desires to wash your pain with the LOVE of HIS HEART!

    Blessed to have come here!

    Choosing JOY, Stephanie
    JESUS ONLY in 2010

  5. No words...just holding in my breath the entire time I read your post...then one long sigh...heart hurts.

  6. My arms of prayer and love remain around you my friend. As I read your words I can see just a glimpse into your tender heart for your son and so I continue to pray for you and your precious family as you think of him...one day closer as you said.

    The natural and then the spiritual indeed.

    Love you.

  7. No words either. Just continually drawn to your blog. The Lord brings you to mind often and I lift a prayer for comfort.

  8. Oh the pain when in the depths of grief....I could see it in your eyes and on your face even as you sang in the video with your daughter. I wish I could take it away but it is not possible. I am keeping you in my heart and prayers.......:-) Hugs

  9. I remember reading that post last year. I could only think of Psalm 31:12..." I have become like a broken vessel.."
    The pain knocks you over like a broken cup. All you can do is try to survive,slowly recover and start anew. My heart is with you these days..love, ginny

  10. Just about to take some whole-wheat banana muffins out of the oven. (Your recipe.) Been thinking about and praying for you while I've been making them.
    Asking God to bring comfort, and even laughter to your day today.
    Love you!

  11. Oh, the pain. Sing in the rain, Melanie. He is collecting every tear you shed. He loves you so. And we all love you too.

  12. Another example to me of how God carrys us when we just cannot go it alone. This post brought tears to me when I realized all that you and your husbad have had to go through in the last few years. This clearly showed me His gift of strength and needed energy when we have none. Thank you for sharing it with us.

  13. Melanie,
    Thank you once again for sharing from the depths of your heart. As I read this post, it took me back to a time when I felt much like you do. No understanding for "why" my baby sister (17yrs old) was "snatched" from my earthly presence. An avalanche...that is exactly what it felt like. What a journey....not one I want to relive, but one that has grown me closer and closer to my precious LORD. She is never more than a thought away and I don't know the right word to use to explain coping now..."easier" just never seems to fit. It has been 20 years...and I still can't find the right word or words to share with you.
    Storming the heavens for you, your hubby, and your entire family,

  14. Melanie, I have just scrolled through these posts that I have not yet read. My heart is just breaking for you. It is so hard to believe that I could feel such love and desperation for someone whom I only met a few months ago, but I do feel it, and I do pray for you and your family every day. laurie

  15. Hey Mel,
    Thanks again for sharing your heart. I think of you often and pray for you each and every day. You are one strong lady, only because of your love for the Lord. Sending you hugs.

  16. Your words speak to my spirit. I see the Almighty working in and through you.

    Thanks for your "words of wisdom" I shared them with my friends and many thanked me and were very appreciative for some bit of insight. The memorial service for our friends' 13-year-old son was Saturday. As you said, it was hard. Just hard.

    Be blessed and know that though you may not feel it, God is shining through your sorrow.

  17. Your gift is being shared. Even in your pain, you pour yourself out. I'm again touched by your heart. May the LORD give you eyes to see and ears to hear MORE. May HE connect the pieces in HIS time and may it be beautiful. I can't imagine your mommy heart ache. Oh how I wish I could take it from you. I pray God continues to be strength in your weakness. A shelter for your storm.

    I'm sending prayers again today. Feel His wave wash over you, Sweet one...

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  19. Melanie,
    I miss your emails more than you know. Please either call me (you have my number) or email soon.

    Nick and I loved Scrabble too......another reason I know we are kindred spirit sisters....our boys are now Scrabble partners.

    I would love to just show up one day on your door step with Scrabble board in one hand and coffee in the other.

    Love, love, and more love,

  20. I love the way God "makes it up to us" in unexpected and tender ways. He did so for me this morning...

    a lavish time of worship with him. So real and so wonderfully comforting for my soul.

    Love you. One more morning... one day closer, sister.