2/7/10
Abba,
I am not angry with you; I feel I must tell you this, though you are well acquainted with my thoughts and my ways. Remember Friday afternoon when I told you “I miss You”? It is true. I miss our companionship when I thought I understood You. But I am finding I do not understand Your thoughts, Your ways, Your timing. I know the oft-quoted scripture that Your ways and thoughts are higher than mine. But I thought You were the revealer of Your mystery. Remember You said to call unto You and You would answer? You would show me great and mighty things that I do not know. Do You reveal your mysteries? Or was that just for Jeremiah? See, Abba? I do not know the answers. But this I do know. You loved me before I knew You. You sent your only begotten Son that I might have a chance at life. And your Son, my friend, my brother, asked if there was another way. There wasn’t. I wanted another way. Nevertheless…
Abba,
I am not angry with you; I feel I must tell you this, though you are well acquainted with my thoughts and my ways. Remember Friday afternoon when I told you “I miss You”? It is true. I miss our companionship when I thought I understood You. But I am finding I do not understand Your thoughts, Your ways, Your timing. I know the oft-quoted scripture that Your ways and thoughts are higher than mine. But I thought You were the revealer of Your mystery. Remember You said to call unto You and You would answer? You would show me great and mighty things that I do not know. Do You reveal your mysteries? Or was that just for Jeremiah? See, Abba? I do not know the answers. But this I do know. You loved me before I knew You. You sent your only begotten Son that I might have a chance at life. And your Son, my friend, my brother, asked if there was another way. There wasn’t. I wanted another way. Nevertheless…
(photo by Linda Charlene)
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Dear Melanie.
ReplyDeleteThis hit home. Sometimes we just don't understand His ways. His ways are so much bigger then ours. As mere humans I don't think we will ever understand. One day when we are standing before him and there with our boys we will understand everything. It will all make perfect sense.
I contiue to pray for you and your heart.
Cathy
These are the deepest places of our heart, where we really long to have Him answer. I think you will have answers, but maybe not here, maybe when you are there with Him and with Andrew. That 'seeing through the glass darkly' is only for a season. And for the here... you are trusting His heart, just like He wants you to. He is listening.
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are with you all...
ReplyDeleteThere is no way as mere human beings we are not going to have these questions, and things we just do not understand. I also believe as mere human beings we are going to have all the emotions, doubts, anger and fears that come along with these overwhelming issues. And HE knows all of this and understands. He indeed made us this way. It's OK. We don't have to understand HIM all the time. We quite simply can't. He loves us unconditionally period. So we have no other way to go...we trust Him...We KNOW He knows what is best, and realize many things we will never understand until we stand in His presence some day. I feel like you have been given one of the hardest things in this world ANYONE would ever have to bear. My heart simply breaks for you and yet I know I can't really imagine all the pain and suffering you have yet to go through. I pray for you all the time Melanie, and I do know this, He will bring you through this valley never leaving your side, and you have already been SUCH a wonderful witness for the glory of God. Hugs, Debbie
ReplyDelete(((((Melanie)))))
ReplyDeleteHello Mella,
ReplyDeleteSometimes it is hard to endure the times when it feels like we're not in the closest Fellowship with our Father. Your loss is enormous, I cannot fathom it... but your effort to remain faithful and to persist, and to share your sadness and all the heartfelt emotions may be just what someone out there needs... It may be just that little bit of warmth that touches someone and melts their resistance, and brings them closer to Him... none of your pain goes unnoticed, His Love is infinite; take heart.
1 Timothy 4:16
Ciao~
Thank you for sharing your heart, Melanie,
ReplyDeleteNevertheless we lift our eyes to heaven and our hearts to You, Lord, in prayer.
Hugs and love...
Melanie,
ReplyDeleteThank you for continuing to share with us the thoughts and prayers of your heart.
So much we don't understand in this life. Nevertheless...
With continuing prayers...
Tracy
"...I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. I will build you up again....you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful" (Jer.31:3-4)
ReplyDeleteMelanie, as you focus on Jesus, rivers of His sweet presence will flow over you and will begin to heal ever so slowly.
Love, ginny
I often just don't get it. And I admit I sometimes am angry at God...but, then I remember that He is God. I wish I understood...or at least I think I wish I understood! It is enough just to continue....sometimes, that alone is enough!
ReplyDeleteThese words are a fragrant aroma to His nostrils.....
ReplyDeleteNineteen years ago I had a stillborn son. I could not put my pain into words. I wanted to, but I couldn't. You have been doing it for me. Your gift as a writer, through your blogs has been helping me with closure. I can't understand your pain, but I have, and will continue to be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteMelanie, so many times we don't understand His ways and His timing. I struggle with this issue too at times.
ReplyDeleteYour pain is so fresh right now. You miss your Andrew with all of your heart. I cannot even begin to imagine what it is like to lose a child.
I don't have the answers but I know the One who does and that is Jesus. We can trust Him even when we don't understand. I think one day we will realize how quickly our lives on earth really are in the whole scheme of things. We will have our forevers in heaven with Jesus and our loved ones.
Praying for you Melanie,
Debbie
i wanted another way too, melanie.
ReplyDeleteGod's ways are a mystery for it they weren't we not need faith.
ReplyDeleteKeeping you and your family in my prayers.......:-) Hugs
I want you to know I am still praying. Blessings, Martha
ReplyDeleteThank you for your transparency. Some of my most powerful times of intimacy and revelation have come through prayer journaling. With all my other writing, I had let that slip. I started a new prayer journal this morning. I'm with you on the journey.
ReplyDeleteLove to you.
My heart hurts for you and your searching. I believe through your raw, seeking, humbled heart in time God will reveal Himself to you more fully than you've ever known before.
ReplyDeleteThis weekend a 14-year-old boy in our church passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Our church and community are devastated. I can't imagine the depth of the parents' sorrow.
As you wrote before, we may know have the answers, but we KNOW the Answer. I have hope that this is enough.
Sending prayers of healing and comfort.
Such a poignant prayer. It's so real and so understood.
ReplyDeleteA prayer all of us pray at times in our lives although few of us can voice it so eloquently and honestly as you did here on this post. What if our God was one who we could understand...then He would not be God. His ways are so much higher than ours, and someday we will understand...someday. This was so beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI know I am late to this post but.... Thanks for your transperancy. I feel every word to my core. your life is not your own... he used you with me today.
ReplyDelete