Edited ~ "REMAIN" ~ Morning Poetry & Pictures

Edited to add ~ The medical supply place in Gainesville sent boxes for us to return the medical stuff...wheelchair (hate typing that), feeding pump, i.v. stand (hate typing that, too). The boxes came a few days ago and startled me because I couldn't remember what it was for. They had Andrew's name on the label and it totally confused me for most of the day. Then it dawned on me.

Today, without warning, the UPS truck came for the boxes. We didn't have them ready. I cannot look at these things. I asked my husband to put them all in the garage weeks ago...8 weeks ago.

I haven't asked for prayer in awhile. I am asking now. My husband will have to do all of this because I just can't. But the UPS man will be back tomorrow and I will be here alone. I will have to get the boxes to him and I am so afraid of seeing those boxes. My heart beats faster and I get hot and choked up just thinking about it. So, I just need prayer for myself...for our family.

Thank you.

update to above ~ He is boxing the stuff right now. I will leave them in the garage and when the UPS man comes, I will just raise the garage door. It will be ok.

"Remain"

by Melanie Dorsey

Empty vessels,

Jars of clay
We are yours.
Have your way.
In us,
Around us,
Beneath us,
Everywhere.
In dancing,
In mourning.
Fill.
Empty.

But remain.

(photo by Linda Charlene)

Just going through some pictures...


So Andrew...I just love him...and oh...how I miss him.



The Fam...in Gruene, TX
Short-haired girl, shaggy boys!
That T-shirt One Fine Man is wearing is one of 2 I have threatened to burn. I have just seen enough of them...especially 2 years in a row in our Thanksgiving pic! But, I sure love the man inside the T.

(taken spring -09...before the nightmare began)

'Can't help lovin' that man of mine...

One Fine Man sent me the sweetest email from work yesterday. He is so patient with me. I have books everywhere, get the bed made maybe 2 x a week, leave dishes in the sink until a burst of adrenaline hits me...and I'm pretty much a mess most of the time now. But he loves me.

Rock Me ~ Morning Prayer

2/8/10
Abba,
To “be still and know” seems not enough. Or too much. In the silence, I stifle a scream. In the stillness, my body rocks. Back and forth. An empty chair moved by the wind. In this world, we will have trouble. Be of good cheer? Yes, alright. The eternal truth that You, indeed, have overcome is the only promise that my heart hears, that my frame obeys.
But not for long. The sighs, the moans, my son’s name under my breath, and the agitated movement of his mother’s body begin again. Yet there will be a day when morning brings more than mourning and silence and stillness are no longer my enemies. Others confide it happens. It must.
My love to You this morning, Abba, for perhaps it is Your ruah that rocks me.

(photo by Linda Charlene)

ruah ~ Hebrew: wind, breath, Spirit

Sunday Morning Prayer ~ Nevertheless...

2/7/10
Abba,
I am not angry with you; I feel I must tell you this, though you are well acquainted with my thoughts and my ways. Remember Friday afternoon when I told you “I miss You”? It is true. I miss our companionship when I thought I understood You. But I am finding I do not understand Your thoughts, Your ways, Your timing. I know the oft-quoted scripture that Your ways and thoughts are higher than mine. But I thought You were the revealer of Your mystery. Remember You said to call unto You and You would answer? You would show me great and mighty things that I do not know. Do You reveal your mysteries? Or was that just for Jeremiah? See, Abba? I do not know the answers. But this I do know. You loved me before I knew You. You sent your only begotten Son that I might have a chance at life. And your Son, my friend, my brother, asked if there was another way. There wasn’t. I wanted another way. Nevertheless…

(photo by Linda Charlene)

Morning Prayer ~ My Rizpah

Abba,
Did ancient Rizpah pray to you as she beat off birds by day and beasts by night? I imagine her hands never resting and her heart beating fast.
I want to know, did she feel her mind would go before her body? But the King intervened…finally. Her sons’ honor restored and thus hers.
You see the birds that swoop. You hear the snarl of beasts. You, my King, are my only hope. Restore, I pray to You.

Jesus’ Name, Amen.

photography by Linda Charlene

(Note to readers: The concept of "mourning" prayers in my "morning prayers" is not lost on me. Yes, these are words from a grieving mother. We so often pray from our "location" and grief is where I am.)

Unfamiliar with the story of Rizpah, I write about her here.

The Bitter & The Balm ~ Friday Morning Prayer

Abba, how is the bitter and the balm so strangely juxtaposed? The quaking and the calm within one breath ~ such a mystery. Whether in my flesh or of the spirit, I do not know, exists a conversation that were it truth, my heart would sing. But I’ve been wrong before and now my fear, a cold water plunge, brings me back to icy reality. Even the temporary has a sting. Lift my eyes to the eternal, is my prayer today. May the balm grow and the bitter diminish. It will be enough. For YOU are.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
(photo ~ Linda Charlene)

My Two Mamaws

My two mamaws,

Mamie Jane and Josie May.
Initials transposed,

Faith exposed.
Trusting in a Savior
Neither one could see.
Hands served and hands raised,
Suppers on tables,
God they praised.
I want to be
What they showed me.
Both in Heaven
Glory Be!

~~~

I have been thinking about my two mamaws lately. I guess because I hope they were present to welcome their great grandchild into Heaven. Andrew will love them!

Mamie Jane, a Mississippi woman and Josie May, a Louisiana woman...both women of God. Loving Jesus...loving their families...southern cooking loved by all whose feet found rest 'neath their tables.

And I am Melanie Jane.

(photo by Linda Charlene)

My Morning Prayers

For the past three mornings I have written a prayer from my heart to my Father.
photography by my friend ~ Linda Charlene

The morning of 2/4/10
"Abba, the ancient Homer said it is a “disgrace to stay long and return empty.” But who is he? Just a Greek. You, Father, are Creator. Your hand tips and empties. Your hand scoops and fills. I will stay long with you, and empty or full, I will not be disgraced. Like your son, I have set my face like flint and I will not be ashamed. In the strong name ~ Jesus ~ Amen."


The morning of 2/3/10
"Father, as I seek Your face, I realize there is no where else to go. Wherever I go, You find me. You breathe and I am moved under your maternal wing. I stir and Your eye is ever watchful. I tell You I trust You with my treasures. Some are here. Some are there. All are in Your keeping. The night is long but the moon still shines on the water. In the name of Your Son, Jesus. Amen"

The morning of 2/2/10
"Father, your grace is enough. Perfect your strength in my weakness, for I am weak and undone. And may I take pleasure in distresses that the power of your son may rest upon me. Regardless of my heart break, may You lead me in triumph and allow me to spread the fragrance of Christ as I stand, as I walk,as I kneel. Your will is the only way for me. In the name above all names ~ Jesus ~ Amen."