I'm blogging at www.melaniedorsey.com . Please join me there.

Sep 7, 2009

No More Fear

June '09 - Andrew pushes us in a beach swing on HoneyMoon Island
It was my birthday and it was a GOOD day!

The night before I took Andrew to our family doctor to find out why he had lost use of his left hand, I was drawn to this passage in Isaiah: "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You" Isaiah 26:3.

Upon examination, medical staff began scrambling to get Andrew an MRI as quickly as possible. Calls were made to several places and finally we got a spot. Andrew didn't make it to the finish of the first MRI. I did not know he could have been medicated and so I sat next to him as he lay confined on the table crying. I kept my hand on his leg and tried to will and pray peace into him at the same time.

I think I must have quoted Isaiah 26:3 a million times. Over and over again. But Andrew began to move around too much and the MRI could not be completed. They moved the table out of the tube and he begged me not to let them put him back in. This mother's heart was breaking. The technician told me if it were his child he would make him go back in. But it wasn't his child, was it?
I asked them to send whatever they had gotten to our doctor and maybe it would be enough to show there was NOT a mass on Andrew's brain.

A few hours later, I got the phone call that FOREVER changed our lives. When I was told the MRI showed a large mass on the right side of Andrew's brain, I asked twice, "Are you sure?" "Are you sure?" My husband looked at me asking, "What?" "What?"
"I don't think I can take this" I answered.

But here we are almost two weeks after that first MRI, an ER visit when Andrew began complaining of his left leg feeling heavy, two more MRI's under sedation, a cat scan, an EEG, a drug induced 24 hours of horrific hallucinations (decadron - the devil drug) , two very somber visits with an oncologist, and Friday's consultation with the doctors who administer radiation.

We have signed papers for medical treatment that make you shake and groan when reading the possible complications that could result.

But we have also committed our son to the Father and, I suspect, we will have to do this over and again. When Andrew was just a few weeks old, my father who is a pastor, dedicated Andrew to God in our home...the only home Andrew has ever lived in. We could stand in the same spot in our living room right now where we gathered with family and friends for the dedication service. He is the only one of our three who was not dedicated at church.

When Andrew was about a year old, the old enemy of my life - fear, had escalated to the level of torment. I had struggled with fear as a young girl and it seemed that the older I got the greater the fear grew. Truly, it was a "spirit of fear." The fear grew exponentially while I was pregnant with our daughter, who is now 19.
I could not relax if my children were not under MY care. Even when they were with my husband on an errand, I was anxious until they returned. I never shared the overwhelming sense of forboding and anxiety I had with anyone. My husband traveled frequently for many years and I was fine in the day time.
But night always fell. And fear always dominated. I would keep my eyes open as long as I could, watching shadows and listening for sounds in the night.
I never told anyone, believing that even forming the audible words would intensify the torment.
But the day came when I knew I could not go on any longer living in the day and terrified of the night.
I'll share my story of deliverance from the "spirit of fear." Maybe today. Maybe tomorrow. But I WILL share it. And God WILL BE GLORIFIED.

Thank you, sisters, for your sweet emails, comments, words of encouragement and intercession.


  1. GOD is being glorified in and through you and Andrew and all that your family is enduring by the GRACE OF GOD! His Hands are upon Andrew and His wisdom is guiding you.

    Your lives are a testimony of your faith in GOD for all the medical team and all that the LORD leads to your blog that don't know HIM yet.

    I see faith beginning for some and faith increased for others in Jesus Name.

    Love and hugs.

  2. GOD is indeed being glorified through this valley. GOD's grace is "always" sufficient and He will reign victorious.
    Storming the heavens on Andrew's behalf,

  3. No fear, amen, no fear. You are truly fearless in the midst of this trial. You faith is amazing. We added Andrew's name to our prayer list at church and he continues to be in my frequent prayers. ((hugs))

  4. I just finished Max Lucado's new book, Fearless. It was excellent. Did you know that the one statement Jesus made more than any other was "Don't be afraid."?

    Mel, let me know if you'd like me to mail you this book. I know you are already fearless...but it might be an encouragement to you!

    Love you!

  5. Hi, Melanie
    I found your blog off another blogger friend's site. Am praying for Andrew. Keep your faith strong and look for that miracle. God has Andrew in the palm of His hand.

  6. It took courage for you to share this with us, but I am glad you did. Fear is real. NO FEAR is supernautral and God given. I repeat the verse so often to myself..."let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid..." It is so comforting to know who said it and that He meant for us to claim it. An ongoing process for all of us. Continuing to walk with you in this extremely painful journey.

  7. Good Morning Melanie,

    You quoted a verse in my memory bank , Isaiah 26:3.
    I am often fearful and I fight that feeling sometimes with this verse. I think as Moms we sometimes take on worry like it's a job.
    I understand Andrew being afraid during an MRI. It looks scary. I know you will have an intense week as treatment gets rolling. Claim the prayers everyone is praying for Andrew and your family. I heard the song 'Lean on Me'in my car last week when I was thinking about heavy stuff. I knew God was 'in my moment' talking to me. Lean on Him Melanie. He is right beside you and ahead of you. Love, Barbara

  8. oh the tears are streaming down my face. i just love you even more after this post. fear, worry, anxiety...they have been companions of mine for a long time. they are crippling and not what God has in store for us!

    i cried as i thought of andrew in that mri and begging not to go back in. even at my age those machines are one of my biggest fears. bless you for being his advocate!!! (well, of course you would be, but you know what i mean)

    praying for you today. thanks for sharing your struggle with fear and i look forward to reading about your deliverance.

  9. sorry, me again. i hope it's okay that i edited your button a little bit for my blog. it takes them to your blog instead of directly to that particular post. please let me know if that's not okay.

  10. So many thoughts, feelings, tears rolling around in my spirit right now, Melanie. God continues to bring you all to mind throughout my days, and I continue to lift you before the throne.

    Andrew is a gem; a jewel from heaven. God is ever-present and aware of every detail. His hand of healing exceeds our faith. May his hand be felt this day...


  11. I wept when I read your entry. I almost felt as if it were a child of mine that you were describing. I thank you so much for your sharing your fear. I too, am a fearful person, prone to panic attacks and anxiety. Please do share how you were delivered of that. I gave my fear to the Lord, however, it keeps creeping back. You are a strong woman of faith and I admire and love you. Continued prayers for you and your family and especially Andrew.

  12. “I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness.” Isaiah 45:3

    Oh Melanie,

    I'm so blessed in the midst of all of this you are developing night vision!

    Thanks for sharing your victory with FEAR...gosh, I think we all can identify with this one.

    The beginning of many victories!

    Rejoicing with you today♥

  13. You made me cry...and that doesn't happen often. Thank you for sharing your courage and faith with us here in Blog World. God is so good...and faithful!

    Continuing to pray for you and your family!

  14. yes, we can all relate to this post about fear. We can SAY we trust Him to take away our fears, we can SAY we put our complete trust/faith/hope in Him when we are facing difficulties, but when we are forced to DO the trusting, believing, obeying, hoping in Him, it is much, more difficult. Thanks for modeling this for us as you walk thru this and for making it as public as you have. I pray others will see your Savior standing in the fire with you and your family (Andrew) just as He did with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego....and that you will be able to say as they did "our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king."

  15. that verse became something i clinged to during a winter time in my life. trusting my Father is not easy for my feeble, insecure mind. but just remembering that peace will come if i do...if my mind is steadfast...is such a blessing.

    you continue to lift my chin and restore my attitude in faith & trust in our Lord, melanie. i expect great things from all of this because HE is a GREAT God!

  16. Thank you for that post, sweet Melanie. Thank God He did not give us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. I am so sorry your Andrew had to go through all that. I'm still praying for a miracle from God.

  17. I too have a testimony of God's deliverance over fear. Praise Him. Thank you, Lord.

    No fear.

    We can lean on you as Barbara said. You are our strong tower. You are mighty to save. We are trusting You with the unknowns. I pray for a miracle for sweet Andrew. I pray for perfect peace in this storm. May songs rise up within our hearts as we pray to You. In Jesus name, Amen.

    Praying for your family.

    Love you, sister,


  18. No Fear. This was an awesome post. My heart is breaking for your family, but we will continue to pray because this is in God's hands.

  19. We know all to well what you are going through. Our 16 year old son had brain cancer. He went through the same symptoms and therapy that you sweet son is now going through. God will give you and your family the strenght you need to get through this as he did us.
    We will lift your precious Andrew up in prayer.

  20. My heart breaks for you and Andrew, reading about his fear of going back into the MRI machine. God be with all of you. God has lifted you and your family in His arms and is carrying you through the uncertainties and the challenges ahead. Praise God and praise His strength when we feel weak and fearful. I'm praying. laurie

  21. Sweet Mella Bella.....
    I am praying for you...especially as your sweet Andrew goes in tomorrow! You are right he equips us for what we need. It sounds like you are indeed being carried on the wind of his spirit!
    Love you!

  22. Melanie, thank you for sharing this part of your life with us...I know many, many people struggle with fear, including me, especially concerning my disabled daughter...God knows that...He knows the enemy traps us with fear, but God has given us His Word on fear...He casts it out! He has prepared you and guided you all your lie, Melanie, and He will see you through this. I will watch for your next post...I am standing with you in prayer. Bless you, Andrew and your family. With love in Him, Mary

  23. Mel, my Sunday school class called out your and Andrew's name again to God on Sunday and asked for a complete and total healing!! No fear. Isaiah 41:10
    Fear not for I am with you...
    God hears our prayers Melanie. We have to trust Him with that He has given us.
    Isaiah 41:13 says "For I the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, Fear not I will help you"
    I continue to pray!I am believing God for a miracle!
    Love Lilly

  24. I came to your blog through Linda @growinwithit.
    I always thought of myself as a "nervous nellie" type. And felt ALONE in it.
    I would love to here how you overcame the spirit of fear.
    I will pray for your son, your family and the doctors and nurses that work with you.

  25. Melanie, I want to say what a beacon of light you are! I come here for updates and to pray for Andrew, hoping to offer and show my support, and all the while I go away renewed by the Holy Spirit. I honestly feel a little guilty, drawing so closer to God, lifted up through His Holy Word and insight that you share through this unimaginable (especially as a parent) situation you are facing. Does that make any sense? I guess what I would like to say, is Thank You...for sharing your story and testimony, and I pray that God will continue to gloried....and that He will heal Andrew. I pray for that continually! I pray for you and your family as well!

    And as for your account of fears...I felt as though I was reading my story! Thank You for sharing that as well!

    Love you dear sister in Christ! ~Rhonda

  26. I came over here from Growing with it. This post spoke to my heart. I will be praying for you all.

  27. Still praying for your beautiful boy and for your family. Yes, God IS being glorified!

  28. Thanks for sharing dear one, you truly bless me. I love you, and my prayers are never ceasing for Andrew and for you.

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  30. Know, dear sister, that the Blakney family will be lifting up your precious Andrew before the Lord daily. He is our healer!

    Blessings, Lea

  31. Sweet Jesus I know that you love Andrew more than anyone..... you have plans for our good!! Please give this sweet family comfort!!

  32. God bless you all dear Melanie. We pray for Andrew daily. My sons want to visit him, etc. :) Thank you for sharing and for the clarity to write that God is granting you during this time.

    As Lisa said, God IS being glorified. Our prayers are with you! Thanks for sharing. No fear!

  33. I am praying, praying, praying this morning. I love you.

  34. Praise God for YOUR healing Melanie! God is so faithful to His children. God will be faithful to Andrew as well!

    Matthew 8:17 Jesus paid for ALL sin and sickness at Calvary.

    Praise Him, the work is already done!

    God's blessings to all of you!

  35. I have added Andrew to the prayer list at my blog, www.blestatheist.com. Prayers get answered -- I have a lot of evidence for that. Miracles do happen -- my life has been filled with them. I will ask for one for Andrew.

    Hang in there!

  36. No fear, Melanie. Praying for your beautiful boy.

  37. I'm praying for your family on this journey! We should all have no fear!

  38. Melanie, I am so in awe of your generous prayers for our daughter in the middle of your own child's suffering and traumatic discovery. I have been praying for your precious son and will continue meeting you at the feet of the Great Physician where nothing is impossible for Him.

    May the Lord's name and His glory continue to be made known in this journey of faith. Please, know this momma's heart aches for you too...oh there is nothing like watching our children suffering. May the God of peace continue to guard your heart and your mind and whisper over and over His great love for you and Andrew.