I'm blogging at www.melaniedorsey.com . Please join me there.

Sep 8, 2009

Fearless - Continued & MRI update

Today on the way to get the MRI w/sedation, Andrew vomited so it was a no go because the place we were sent to was not a hospital with capabilities of using a breathing tube in case of vomiting under sedation.
We are rescheduled for tomorrow afternoon at All Children's Hospital.
PLEASE PRAY THAT WE HAVE WISDOM. We are beginning to wonder if these delays are "God delays." We just don't know.
But what I do know is God is a good God and always worthy and always trustworthy.
No doubt about it!
Still standing in faith for THE MIRACLE FOR ANDREW.

I had reached a breaking point. The fear that gripped my mind was so strong at times I felt as though an actual presence was overshadowing me. I hesitate to share that in the thought that some may find it too much to read and thereby too much to believe. But the Bible does talk about a "spirit of fear" (2 Timothy 1:7).

I can remember like snapshots in time when I was terribly afraid at night. The kind of fear that makes you sweat but still you pull the covers up over your head. There were moments of sheer terror in which I tried not to even move a muscle and longed for the relief that comes from falling asleep until the morning sun lit my room. But I never told anyone. Not my parents. Not my friends. Not my husband. Fear had me convinced that speaking about it would make it that much worse. And I didn't think I would survive the nights if they were any worse than what I was already experiencing.

Fear paralyzed me when I was pregnant with our first child. My husband worked third shift and I and my swollen belly were alone in the dark. Fear continued its torment when my husband's work required frequent travel. I became a "door checker," double checking that the doors were locked even when I knew they were.
We had a king sized bed and I could relax better if all three children were with me at night behind a locked door. I did my best to hide my intense fearfulness from everyone, especially my children.
Maybe someone reading this is "there" now. Just keep reading. There is deliverance from the "spirit of fear." I am a walking testimony of that!

When I reached my breaking point it coincided with my hunger to know God's Word and to have a closer, more intimate relationship with Jesus. I felt I should fast for a breakthrough.
More later...it's late and we have a long day tomorrow.



~~~~
Please pray that the tumors will not grow. We aren't scheduled to start treatment until next Monday and Andrew just told me that it is getting harder to move his leg. We are looking into other treatments in other places but time is of the essence.

Continued here from Tuesday's post:

Our church was having a special guest, a man who taught on fasting. He had lived a lifestyle of fasting and had seen great results through it. The church was encouraged to fast.
I made up my mind to fast for 3 days in order to hear from God and to seek freedom from the "spirit of fear." At the conclusion of fasting I attended the night service in which our pastor had told us to expect a move of God.
I went expecting to be freed, delivered once and for all, from fear. I sat in the pew and the time came when the pastor began to pray for people. I sat waiting for what I thought would be my opportunity. I sat with my heart beating furiously and my palms pouring sweat. I sat waiting for my opportunity.
My opportunity came in a way I didn't expect.
The pastor called for people who had "addictions."
At the word "addictions," I felt I should go for prayer but I didn't have an "addiction."
And yet, I still felt that I should go forward for prayer.
I thought, "What if this is my opportunity and I miss it because of pride?"

When you are really desperate for freedom, for relief, for God to do something big for you, you lose your pride. You put what others may think about you behind. How badly did I want to be freed from the overwhelming, paralyzing fear that arrived in the night to terrorize me?

I must tell you here that I knew ALL of the scriptures regarding fear. I quoted them over and again when fear attacked me. I prayed and wondered what else I could possibly do to rid myself of this enemy. Many times I thought of the words of Jesus to His disciples: "This kind can only come out by prayer and fasting" Mark 9:29.

I hesistated only a moment at the word "addiction," and then I got up and walked down the aisle where the pastor stood. He layed his hand on my forehead and prayed for me. In that moment I felt different and I knew something had happened.

From that night on I have never suffered from fear to the extent that I had before fasting and being prayed for to break an "addiction."
Yes, I have felt the "temptation" to give into fear but I always remind myself and even speak aloud that God delivered me from a "spirit of fear." There have been many more nights in which the children and I have been alone due to my husband's job requiring travel. A couple of years ago, he was in Australia for 5 weeks! I have learned to give our home and our children, my husband and myself to the safekeeping of THE ONLY ONE WHO IS ALWAYS TRUSTWORTHY. I trust Him with our lives and with our livelihood.
With Andrew's diagnosis, there have been many opportunities to fear, yet I am continuing to "lay him on the altar" knowing that God's intentions toward Him are good. I remind myself of the life of Joseph and what the enemy meant as a means to destroy Joseph, God turned for Joseph's good. We fully expect God to do the same for Andrew and for our family.

God doesn't give people cancer. God gave His Son, Jesus, who suffered on our behalf so we wouldn't have to. God is well acquainted with a suffering Son. His Son suffered so mine would not. Isaiah 53:5 tells me, "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him and BY HIS WOUNDS WE ARE HEALED."

I have never shared this story of my deliverance from the "spirit of fear." Why do I share it now? Because I have committed to God that in what we are walking through with Andrew, GOD WILL BE GLORIFIED.
And if that means, opening myself up to you on a blog and making myself vulnerable to misunderstanding and perhaps even criticism because your theology differs from what I believe, then so be it.
I am officially out of the business of "impression management." That means I have relinquished my "need" to manage what anyone thinks of me.
If you struggle with fear, it would be my privilege to add your name to my personal prayer journal.
"Thanks be to God who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him" 2 Cor. 2:14
Andrew's Psalm - Psalm 27.
I love you, sisters.


43 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing your heart. I love you.

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  2. I don't know you, but I have been praying for you, Andrew, and your family fervently. I KNOW our God is in the business of healing miracles, and that is what I'm praying for you all. In the midst of this deep valley, friend, know that you are being found faithful...and God is truly being glorified. Please know, there are many prayers from TN going up to the heavens on your family's behalf...

    Julie S.

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  3. Hi Melanie. Know that there are many of us praying for your son Andrew. We will continue to pray without ceasing. (HUGS)
    Blessings,
    Sandra

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  4. We are praying as well Melanie.
    For me, fear likes to raise its ugly head and show itself in every little shadow. I am glad that we are never alone, that God holds us in the palm of His hands.
    Continuing to pray. Much love and prayers, Lori and girls

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  5. ...
    "you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.." Fear does paralyze but the truth can set you free. I am praying for you and your son, and your family. Keep believing and do not let Satan drive you to fear.
    Love,
    Suzanne

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  6. I understand living with fear and anxiety. It took over my life. I was able to get help and NEVER want to feel the force of such crippling thoughts again. It creeps up at times, tho never as fierce as it once was. I thought people would not understand- until I began to share. I have learned the number one reason for E.R. visits is panic/anxiety. It is hard to explain to someone who has not experienced it. Perhaps the best description I have heard is "living with a impending feeling of doom." With no just cause or reason. Reason being the operative word. You cannot reason yourself out of the feeling.

    Praying for you and yours. God is THE mighty physician. Sink into his arms and rest in him.

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  7. Father, i pray that the tumor will no longer grow and what is there that shouldn't be, i pray that it dissolves. Lord, i know you can make this happen. i'm believing for a miracle. in Jesus' mighty name, amen.

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  8. You're not alone. I've had that same fear and at times it tries to rear it's ugly head. I still like for my daughter to sleep with me when Hubby is out of town. I feel safer when my teen son is at home. I get paranoid about stranger abductions of me and or my youngest child. Sometimes when I'm coming up the stairs or down the hall at night, I feel that spirit behind me. I hope today is blessed with peace. I look forward to your continued post. Love and (((hugs))) still praying for Andrew.

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  9. Yes, I can totally relate to this post. I also can say with you:\There is deliverance from the "spirit of fear." I am a walking testimony of that!

    ((hugs))

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  10. Stay FAITH focused Sis. Praying continuously for Andrew.

    Love and blessings.

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  11. I had a similiar spirit of fear after my 1st child was born. The only place I left her was the church nursury on Sunday, yet I sat in the pew and just prayed for her safety the whole time, vowing not to run down the aisle and snatch her back.

    I don't like to be alone at night either...but Jesus has broken the SPIRIT of fear I had. I still have concern, but not overwhleming fear.

    Praying for you & Andrew with every thought of you. God is glorified through you!

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  12. Melanie,
    So powerful! Thank you for opening yourself up and sharing your story. You had me hanging on every word and even though I've never fasted like that, I was so moved by your experience. The strength in which you write leaves me in awe of our awesome God.

    I continue to pray for your sweet son.

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  13. Very powerful, Melanie. I'm going to link to this post on mine today, as I just happened to write a little on fear this morning.

    Sending love and many prayers.

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  14. Melanie,
    Thanks for sharing your testimony. I know that we have not had any contact, but after I read that, I felt this great love for you. I want you to know that we are praying for Andrew-fervently and frequently.

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  15. I am a walking testimony of God's deliverance over paralyzing fear. Glory be to God who was and is and is to come.

    I stand with you in prayer and love.

    Hugs,

    Tiffany

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  16. God bless you for being willing to open up your heart, and let Him pour forth. I love you.

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  17. He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions. PS 107:20

    Thank you Melanie for sharing this awesome testimony.

    Each time you declare what God has done for you, the more freedom you will experience!

    I've battled with this demon my self. And there is still areas I need to be set free from.

    So, I would appreciate you adding me to your prayer journal.

    Meanwhile, continue walking in your FREEDOM.

    "And they overcame him [the devil] by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death" (Rev. 12:11).

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  18. Thank you for sharing your story.

    So many of us have similar stories about fear. Being the opposite of faith the enemy uses it frequently in many forms.

    I had many seeds of fear planted in me by watching horror movies as a teen. Praise be to God, I can honestly say I am now FREE from those images that used to haunt me at night. To God be the glory!

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  19. I can totally relate to your fearful post. I have experienced that in my life before. Thanks for sharing.
    Praying for Andrew.

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  20. Melanie,
    Fear is something I have been dealing with for a while now. It isn't so much at night, but rather when anyone leaves to go somewhere or when something unexpected happens I find myself really fearing. God has really been showing me in His Word what reverant fear is, and what unhealthy fear is and the difference in the two. I want to be in the exact center of God's will for my life. Thank you so much for sharing this...I'd never thought of it as an addiction before.

    I'm praying for Andrew and your family,
    Dawn

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  21. Dear Melanie...I just thanked God for your healing and deliverance from the enemy of fear...PRAISE HIM indeed!

    I have been praying lots for those tumors to CONTINUE shrinking and for your day of testing to go well tomorrow. I will now start praying for Andrew to be able to move his leg more freely as well. God bless you all!

    Trudy

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  22. Melanie, thank you so much for this post! I too have struggled with this addiction of fear--never had thought of it as an addiction either! Hmm. It will still pop up--especially on the interstate in heavy traffic! I would so apprciate your adding me to your list as well. You all are in our prayers.
    Much love,
    Susan

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  23. Melanie -- I am so encouraged by your testimony. I too for many years, was overtaken by fear and I too have been delivered from that grip. Praise the LORD! One thing popped into my mind while I was reading this and I will share it and trust it has meaning to you. Don't doubt in the dark what God told you in the light. His Truth is just as true when we are in the dark times! Stand firm on that Truth!
    Still thanking Him for Andrew's healing.

    Gwyn Rosser
    @The Pink Tractor
    www.gwynrosser.blogspot.com

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  24. This was such a beautiful testimony. Thank you for sharing it.

    I have hesitated to say this, because I knew you already had professionals treating Andrew, and I also knew that I am very new to your blog. But since you mentioned in this post that you have been researching alternatives, I've decided to say what I've wanted to say since I first read about Andrew. Have you considered or tried to contact St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital in Memphis, TN? They specialize in pediatric cancer, and I have seen miracles come out of that hospital.

    I'm still praying for all of you. laurie

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  25. I never read the second part..so I'm back....thank God Paula mentioned this to me...

    I just want to tell you I love you and thank God for you sis.((hugs))

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  26. Praise God for your testimony Melanie. God is being glorified. God is still in the miracle business and we are believing a miracle for Andrew. Please update us tomorrow after the MRI. I will continue to pray and pray and pray.

    Dear Lord,

    Please let these delays in the MRI be so we can see healing. Please if the tumors exist, stop the growth in Jesus name. Continue to cover this precious family under your wings. I ask all these things according to your will. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

    Love and ((hugs))

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  27. I came over from Laura's link.

    Thank you for sharing your fear testimony and your family's prayer needs.

    Blessings from Oregon.

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  28. I thank you from my heart for sharing such an intimate part of your life. We have so many prayer warriors here in Michigan on Andrew's behalf! I pray peace and comfort to you and yours.
    Please include me in your prayer journal. I suffer from fear, panic and anxiety.

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  29. Thank God for your deliverance from fear! Bless Andrew's heart, he is upset about that test. I do pray things will go better tomorrow. Still praying for his healing ~
    Hugs,
    Cathy

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  30. Powerful testimony! I too have struggled with fear and if I'm being honest...I still do at times. Thank you for walking your journey so openly with us. Praying hard for Andrew (and for you).

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  31. Such an awe inspiring testimony, love you.

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  32. Melanie,
    I don't know you....I was directed to your blog from a friend's. But since I first read about Andrew, I can not get him and you all off my mind. From one mother to another, my heart aches for you. I have prayed fervently and will continue to in the days & weeks to come. Just know, though, what an extreme inspiration you have been to a very weak-hearted Christian. I don't say that joyfully. I long to know God better and to TRUST Him more. I too live in a spirit of fear and when things like this happen to such innocent, precious children.....I just do not understand. Your faith in the God that I love so dearly is truly amazing. You will surely hear Him say one day.....

    "Well done my good & faithful servant....."

    You are being found faithful and God is being glorified.

    May the Lord rain blessings on you today...

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  33. Thank you so much for sharing that - God is definitely being glorified, and the grip of fear is being losened from many - I just know it!

    Continuing to stand with you in prayer for Andrew and for all of you as you Walk every second in trust of our Father's love for you all and of His timing for your lives, treatment, and delays.

    Praying and believing Him for a miracle! Truly believing!
    Jennifer

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  34. Blessings Melanie...For God did not give Melanie a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, and love and a sound mind!

    Praying & believing! Continue to walk strong in your freedom of fear. You are set free by the Holy Spirit & have been delivered & set free.

    I began to prepare a blog post for
    the Father's Love Letter & thought of you so I stopped & came here to pray & read. Amen to Paula's prayer
    and any others that were written out...you need more of those! In my WFW I posted "FEAR NOT" and wrote that you are a living example & referred people here to read about being "Fear less" so continue glorifying Our LORD & claiming the scriptures for you & Andrew!

    Here's from my Father's Love letter
    for Fri. & whenever God wills that MRI:

    2 Corinthians 1:3-4
    3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
    (NIV Bible)

    You are a testimony of this as well as the encouragement that others have left here with when they came to encourage & lift you, you seem to lift our spirit! Thanks for continuing in the triumphal procession in Christ!

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  35. well...here it is almost 2am. andrew runs through my mind almost continuously throughout the day.

    i came back here and now i see you have added to your post. i was thinking that i really have come a long way with my issue of fear and then...

    God showed me my fear that HE won't come through. my fear of praying the BIG prayers. oh wow, do i have some work to do.

    love you and praying like crazy for that boy!

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  36. Saw your update Melanie....standing with you and Andrew. GOD IS ON THE THRONE!

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  37. Thank you for posting an update. I do trust these delays are His.

    Lord God, come and do a mighty healing work in your precious son, Andrew. You are able to do a miracle. We can trust You in the waiting. Please help Andrew rest right now. In Jesus name, Amen

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  38. Melanie,

    I prayed for Andrew and your family again this morning.

    I LOVED this post because I LOVE hearing how God brings freedom. I, too, have suffered from fear. The enemy tries to freak us out with fear, but our God is mighty to save.

    You have spoken the truth, Melanie, and truth always brings freedom.

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  39. Melanie, I just received this verse for Andrew:

    "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” Isaiah 46:4(NIV)

    PRAISE THE LORD!

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  40. Melanie-James 5-14. Olive oil.
    My many fears went away after many years just by finally speaking of them!

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  41. Everyblog I visit reminds me to pray for Andrew. Finally I have come to your blog. I have prayed for Andrew. I have sat alone in my house while my husband was on the other side of the world. I have poured my heart out over my own son's walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Through it all God walked with me and with God's help I have conquered fear for now. I will continue to pray for sweet Andrew and you.

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