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Jul 20, 2010

Walls Protect

Part 2 ~ I Like Doors.

I have been thinking since I wrote I Like Doors that a little clarification may help the reader. The "wall" is not between myself and a friend. More of an acquaintance but one whom I see on a weekly basis.
I put the wall up to protect myself while in an extremely vulnerable and hurting state. I had to. Sometimes one may go along for years and be the "good girl." But sometimes being a "good girl" makes you feel very bad.

Your "good girl" may look different from my "good girl."
Allow me to describe my "good girl."

The "good girl" holds her tongue and sometimes bites it 'til it bleeds.

The "good girl" sees all sides but sometimes to the detriment of her own emotional health.

The "good girl" mistakenly believes that she is the only one able to "get over it."

The "good girl" is usually the first one to apologize for the sake of "clearing the air."

The "good girl" doesn't want to "rock the boat" or "ruffle feathers."

The "good girl" feels very bad if she messes up and hurts someone.

The "good girl" wants to crawl under a rock if she believes she has disappointed someone. Especially someone she respects.

For years, by my own reckoning, I was a "good girl."

But learning how to set healthy boundaries, identifying my core motivation, and recognizing that some one else's issues are really not all about me has helped me to release some of my "good girl" tendencies.

I realized after writing I Like Doors, then going for a run last night and thinking some things through this morning, that I was slipping back into the old "good girl" mode. But it is a tight fit. And I can no longer move around comfortably in it.

I also remembered that some parts of our lives are made for doors and other places require walls.
Knowing the difference allows for either appropriate access or necessary restraint.

Walls protect.

And right now this reformed "good girl" needs protecting for a little bit longer.

I like doors. But walls are good, too.


  1. LOVE... every word is perfect... xo.

  2. Melanie,

    Wow...I can identify with that. You really put things in perspective, I needed that. Thank you.

  3. Just catching up on both posts and thinking you must be in my head today :) I can sooo relate to this! Praying you continue to have wisdom and discernment and feel the Lords protection covering you in each and every way!

    Love you Melanie!

  4. Hmmm...deep thoughts. Life and relationships can be tough seas to navigate. I agree that learning to balance doors and walls is probably the best way to go. I definitely need divine guidance with this!

  5. Melanie:

    What I really see is a heart that still grives, but that God is restoring. I am so encouraged FOR you... His picture is so much bigger than our view. You and Andrew and the rest of the family are always going to be the family that He Himself formed.... always!

    You are doing so great!!



  6. Goodness, you have some deep posts here, Dear. I think you are beautiful. Congratulations to you and your dear husband. Love and Hugs ~

  7. Yes, amen sis. I am very proud of you. I love you.

  8. Dear Melanie,

    First I want to thank you so much for visiting my blogsite and leaving your heart's comment which nearly broke my own. I will come back to that in a minute.

    Second, I suspect you have many "Good Girl" sisters and can count me in as an older, therefore well experienced, one as well. I especially loved your ideas of boundaries and the "it's not all about me" thing. Good ideas to chew on and I'm glad for them.

    Third, your son. Your experience surely is every family's fear and nightmare and you are walking it. The loss of children and parents of young children is something I still have difficulty getting my mind around. Who of us doesn't?

    In the presence of such grief and in fear of sounding presumptious, casual acquaintances such as myself probably need to remain silent. But silence doesn't mean not standing by, not coming alongside any way we can. So while my lips are silent, my heart shouts that your son's 12 years on this planet mattered - huge - and I weep with you, dear one, in your painful loss. As you said, for his part he shines. Thanks be to God.

    I will continue to pray for you and your beautiful family over the remainder of this profoundly difficult year. If I could be of any help, please feel free to email me.

    May grace and peace brood over your home and in your hearts,

  9. Blessing to you dear Melanie as you find the balance between the wall and the door...take care..

  10. I need to read your post a few more times to let it all soak in! Congratulations on your anniversary.

  11. From one good girl to another, that is wonderful advice.....thank you!

    Congrats on your anniversary!