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Oct 29, 2010

In The Midst of the Waves

Andrew

I can breathe again. Thank you for your kind words and prayers.

I ran last night. I ran fast and it felt good. After the first mile I pulled the elastic that held my hair and slipped it over my wrist. Immediately I felt the tension ease from my scalp. The breeze blew my hair over my shoulders. I thought about people who are hurting and want so badly for the tension and pain they face to be gone. To ease. To let up.


Andrew faces the wave.

I thought of someone I know who has faced many losses in her life and I have more compassion for her than ever before. She has made unwise decisions in her desperation for the emotional pain to ease. I understand her better now.

Yesterday I read Psalm 27 ~ Andrew's psalm.
I thought how often I read those fourteen verses to Andrew, over Andrew and as a prayer for Andrew.

The 13th and 14th verses read:

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed

That I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.


Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!"


Yesterday the ocean's waves settled a bit. I was able to stand again and take a deep breath.

Today I will fix my hair. I will remove the weeks old polish from a gift certificate pedicure my good friend gave me. I will put some tea bags on my swollen eyes. I will bake some banana bread and some pumpkin spice muffins, too.

I will read 5 Psalms and a Proverb. I will be grateful for the gift of mothering Andrew for nearly 13 years. I will smile at the thought of seeing him again and kissing those "freckers."
Andrew ~ summer '09

People who have walked this same path tell me I am experiencing the normal process of grieving. An employee of Hospice, who also lost a son, told me it was two years before she felt like herself again.

I will do my best to live in my present and invest in my future. I will lay up my treasure in Heaven where neither moth nor rust destroys nor thieves break in and steal.

My husband and our boys, Avery & Andrew ~ summer '09

I do not know how many more times the wave of intense emotional pain will knock me underwater. But I am determined to build myself up in the "meantimes" so that I know without fear of doubt that my life is preserved by the One who will never leave me. Just as I know He was in the middle of the storm with me last year, I know He is in the midst of the waves as well.

My niece, Hayley...I wrote the verse to accompany her joyous jump!
"She leaps in the sunset,
Water at her feet.
Arms in joyful pose,
Blessings are replete."

20 comments:

  1. I am so happy that you have come through this wave Mel, you are a very special lady. Take care/I care
    .....:-) Hugs

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  2. Oh Melanie, how deeply touching and ENCOURAGING.

    I needed this word today.

    You will never ever know how many lives you are touching daily.

    I'm so grateful that the Lord allow our paths to cross.

    Sending lots of love your way♥

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  3. Once again, you have rolled with the waves, bless you sis. I love you beyond measure.

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  4. Oh Melanie there really are no words. Just know how glad I am that once again He has brought you through a wave of sorrow. I wish there was something more to be done.
    Still praying for you here in California, Debbie

    btw...I would love a copy of the DVD

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  5. Love and Hugs, and prayers always.
    Melanie

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  6. I'm sorry there's no "easy" way through the grief. But glad the waves have subsided a bit. I love verses 13-14 of Psalm 27. "I would have despaired UNLESS I HAD BELIEVED..."

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  7. just found your blog....and reading....I am glad you came through and the waves have calmed down...for me...the only thing that made the difference....HIm. Stay strong out there.

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  8. My heart is always stirred for you as I read your pain...but always encouraged at your faith...know that you have much love and support and many prayers going for you...you have touched so many lives and did Andrew in his short life here. Keeping you in my heart...

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  9. Melanie.....what a blessing you are!

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  10. Oh Melanie, I still feel your loss along with you. Your words are such lovely words of submission to the One who loves us the most. You blessed my day.

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  11. Nothing profound to add, just praying for you!!

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  12. May God lead you to his quiet water. Love you, sister.

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  13. Melanie, my love and prayers are with you and your family. Praying for God's strength and comfort every step of the way...

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  14. This was a beautiful post Melanie and I really needed to read it! Praying for you and your family always.

    If you feel so led, I could really use prayer for my marriage, which seems to be crumbling before my very eyes.

    Blessings to you,
    Trudy

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  15. Praying for you Melanie... this is beautiful.

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  16. Melanie,
    I have been following your blog for a couple of years. You are such a special lady. Your struggle with Andrew's going on ahead without the family has been in the Hands of God this whole time. You have begged Him for relief of the pain and He comes through for you. I have strengthened my own Faith by taking your words and His to heart. Thank you for sharing so openly with all of your followers. May you always find the comfort you need at the very moments you need it. Warmly thinking of you. Carolyn in NC

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  17. Just checking in to see how you are doing...

    Love you♥

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  18. And I will stand with you tonight in prayer for your grieving mother's heart. I needed to come here tonight; my own pain is real and strong, and I feel a bit abandoned in my cancer.

    peace, sister~elaine

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