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Apr 24, 2009

Two Conversations

Two Conversations in Two Days

First Day/First Conversation
The first was with a 16 year old girl, a student of mine, who brought over a book to my desk after class. It was a book about how having s*x outside of marriage has devastating consequences.

We talked about how some girls know it is wrong or at least have been told it is wrong but haven't necessarily been told why. She told me that prior to reading the book, she understood that the consequences were 1)pregnancy and 2)std's.

But then she found the passage in the book that spoke more to her than the first two reasons. She said the authors explained how s*x outside of marriage actually changes the brain chemistry.
I added that even if the couple who had s*x before marriage then went on to marry one another, that there was still damage done and consequences to deal with. I concluded with how the wisdom of God is for our protection ~ both spiritual and physical.

We continued to talk and I encouraged her to read the book carefully and learn from it so that she could, hopefully, influence other teens with this message of truth.

I heard a lie this week about this very subject. On a noontime show, there was a segment with two women. One was a well-spoken and strong supporter of abstinence. The other was touting her book about the "outdated and dangerous notions of virginity." It was obvious to me that this articulate young woman had fallen prey to the EVE TRAP ~ trading the truth for a lie.

Second Day/Second Conversation

The second conversation was with another teenager who says she obsesses with "body issues." Perhaps a distorted body image? I related some of my struggles with body issues. Do we all have those? I would venture to say we have all dealt with them at one time or another.

I am all for being the best version of myself I can be but in a healthy pursuit not an obsessed one. Recently I posted about losing 22 pounds. I lost 16 over a 4 month period last year and the rest in the past 3 months. I do feel better and I think I look better. It's definitely easier to get dressed because, for the most part, it becomes a non-issue.

But what makes a young woman believe she is "less than" if she is not her "ideal self" physically? For that matter what makes a 40ish woman feel the same way?

I submit that some of us have fallen into the Eve Trap. We believe a lie. We see someone whom we think has it all together, especially physically, and we believe we compare unfavorably. Why? Is it the media and airbrushed photography that is to blame? Is it the voice of the past that teased us about braces, acne, glasses, height, or a big bu++?

Why do we choose to take to heart the negative comments over the positive ones? If we're told we're pretty, or smart or talented, why do we hesitate to believe those comments?

A couple of years ago in a Bible study group I was co-teaching, an Italian woman shared how her family never told her she was pretty for fear of the "malocchio." The "malocchio" or "evil eye" was said to be caused by the bad thoughts of other people ~ especially envy. She explained that in her Italian culture, her family didn't tell her she was pretty and dressed her in the plainest of clothing lest someone envy her "prettiness" and cast upon her the curse of the "malocchio."

While it seems her family was trying to protect her from the evil eye, they inflicted another evil. This lovely woman never believed she was beautiful! Never believed she was cute or pretty or good-looking or attractive.

So what about the Eve Trap? Eve's enemy, our enemy, wanted to destroy humankind. Wanted to put man & woman under a curse of death and destruction.

The Creator spoke truth to Adam & Eve. Eve discounted truth to believe a lie. I believe we do the same today. We discount the truth and believe the lie.

And the truth is, the father of lies is the accursed. We are the blessed. We are the beautiful. We are daughters of Truth. Let's believe it. Let's speak it. Let's model it for our sisters of all ages.

So if you find yourself tempted to believe a lie, I'm asking you to take a 4 day challenge. Everytime you think a negative thought about yourself or someone else for that matter, say aloud, if possible, "I reject that thought." Then counteract the negative thought with a positive and truthful statement. Do it for 4 consecutive days. Again, if you are able to speak the truth aloud, do it. There is power in speaking out. Even if you are the only one who hears it. Maybe especially if you are the only one who hears it.

If this resonates with you, let me hear about it. I have it on my heart to speak about these heart issues in the Life & Style By God's Design conferences. Go here to read the session description of Guard Your Heart.


  1. Melanie, If I were given a soap box in the town square, these two items would be my choice speeches. Being a mother of three daughters, I totally agree with everything you said. I see it hapopening everywhere...trying to obtain the perfect body type, and girls being fed lies about sexual choices. Great post! How privileged we are to know THE TRUTH and to be able to share it in love.

  2. This definitely resonates with me. Great post, and very well put.

  3. Excellent thoughts! I would like to know the name of that book after having just gone through the series with our youth "sexual purity and biblical dating". I have learned so much more through my recent research.

    I love how you encouraged her to spread the truth. Our youth need to know they have purpose!

    Great topic, Melanie!

  4. This definately resonates with me, Melanie. Thank you so much for sharing.

    I recently read the book, "The Uncommon Woman" by Susie Larson. Something that she shared that helped me... Every time you tell the Lord you love Him, turn that back on yourself. Say, "You love me, Lord." Try it. After a while you start believing it and it's the truth!!! When you start realizing and believing in who you are in Christ it makes all the difference in the way you look at yourself. We are wonderfully made!

    I'm so excited about your new ministry adventure! I pray God will bless you in it. You definately have a lot to share.

  5. M.
    Great post! So true! Great conference topic and even ties in with Style File....

  6. Great post! I agree, we are all too hard on ourselves. Whether that be body image, or the image our homes present to the world or our children, or our possessions etc. All we need to do is strive to be our best selves whatever the size that may be. We are all perfect in His eyes!

  7. Melanie - all I can say is speak/preach and tell it! Subjects of great importance! Thank you for your heart! Love you.

  8. Yes! Very important info. I like the title "The Eve Trap". I think every woman will relate/ Good exercise too!

  9. How we see and talk about ourself is sometimes terrible! I like that...speak against the thoughts. B

  10. Just dropped in to say hi! I missing my bloggin days!
    I know what you mean about falling into the eve trap!
    So easy to find ourselves there!
    Congrats on losing the pounds you wanted to! It looks like you are cooking quite the amazing meals these days!
    Good to see you again!

  11. These topics to younger women stirs my heart. I relate to believing the lies and thankfully now I can say I believe HIS truth.

    What a better way of living! To know we are loved and beautiful in HIS sight.

  12. What a good post. I love phrase the "Eve Syndrome". Even though I have boys, I still see the lies they believe. At such an EARLY age too! We've taught Will to take a thought captive and imagine putting it behind bars in jail (like a captive). He's my literal child so word pictures work great for him! Then, he has to replace it with truth/scripture.

    Alright, 4 day challenge...here we come!!!

  13. Oh, whoops, I mean "Eve Trap". My mind automatically thought syndrome for some reason. :)

  14. Oh, I would love to know the name of the book you're referring to - or a name of some books to research! I have a little one that just turned 10 and I am hoping to at least be up to speed when it comes to having that "talk" and to be able to share some books with her!!

  15. Been pondering some of these same thoughts. I'll fill you in later.

  16. Melanie:

    You know I'm all about TRUTH!! Especially since the enemy had a stronghold "lie" held over me for more than 40 years! The only way to let go of the lie - is to replace it with "TRUTH" - GOD'S TRUTH!!

    Also - I jumped over here because I loved your comment post on "B's"
    blog today. She is a gem! Turtles or squirrels - God really spoke through that to me too!

    Blessings to you...... sorry I have not been here more - I've been on the mend from some spine/back/foot problems.

    Hope to spend more time here in the future!

    Choosing JOY,
    [JESUS - the One I Worship]

  17. Wow - so glad those teens have you in their life! "The Eve Trap" - I hadn't heard of that. I'm going to give it a try! Thanks!

  18. It is amazing the conversations that we can get in with kids (students). I find this to be true so many times!

  19. I agree with your other commenters and you. I have 3 girls, 2 of which are teenagers and raiding them in this society is so hard. Thanks for sharing.

  20. Melanie -- good word. Thank you for speaking truth when dealing with your students. This younger generation especially needs to hear The Truth ! I am 57 and sometimes I think the enemy is just yelling even louder about my body as I age. I'm still searching for peace with who I am. Thanks for the post. gwyn rosser