Feb 24, 2011
Life is just not turning out like what I thought. And I’m not even referring to the big plans I had as a college graduate so many years ago, nor the dreams I had as a young bride ignorant to the realities of marriage to a real life man.
No, I’m talking about plans that I thought were just on the brink of unfolding eighteen months ago.
It’s not that life was smooth sailing in the spring of 2009 but I thought the rough patch our family was going through would eventually smooth out and the road would be level again.
As I, along with a close friend, prepared to begin a women’s ministry, I spent lots of “on my face before God” time in the privacy of my bedroom.
I remember the days of, one by one, giving God every part of me: my dreams, my home, my husband, and each of my children. That last part ~ each of my children, took me several days of “giving over to God” until I knew I really meant it. You see I wanted God more than anything and anyone. But I found that not even that is a protection against bad things happening. In fact, I suspect that when you truly get to that point, it makes you a target.
If you know our story, then you know what happened in 2009. Our 12 year old son, Andrew, was struck with brain cancer and we buried him less than four months after the diagnosis.
But I buried more than a son on December 19, 2009.
Into the ground went my hopes, my dreams and my confidence. And if I'm being totally honest here, some of my confidence in God also went six feet deep.
Fresh soil was shoveled on top and packed down. It took me many months to revisit the mound of treasure in that grave.
What about you? Do you feel off kilter in your own life?
Do you have major areas that are far from picture perfect?
Do you wonder if God really knows what's happening in your life?
Do you ever wonder if He truly cares?
Do you, in the privacy of your most unguarded moments, ever question whether He will intervene in your desperate circumstances?
(to be continued...)