There are moments when all I can do is say, "Jesus, I miss Andrew. Please hug him for me and tell him I love him and I hope to see him soon."
My husband and I have talked about how we feel so differently about some areas of our lives now. And my response is that it is all a part of the grieving and we just have to move through it.
Feel it.
Know it.
Keep moving.
"Oh my sweet boy, how my heart longs for you. If tears could bring you back you would be next to me now. But it just doesn't work that way."
I had a dream last night that I had a baby girl. I named her Andi for Andrew. Her second name was Honore (prononced ON or ay). French for "honor." The name Andi Honore is not a name I have ever put together. Ever. And although I had French classes in college (language degree), I don't remember ever using the name "Honore." Odd.
Andrew never liked to be called Andy or Drew. Of course, in the hospitals he was asked a million times what he went by.
He got sick of it. We got sick of it.
The only thing I can think of is that this dream was symbolic of newness in my life. Newness that will honor Andrew's life. I'm ready for a new dream. I'm ready.
"Andrew Christopher Dorsey, I love you and I long for you. One more morning. One day closer, Son."
Andrew & Me at an outdoor Art Show (spring 2009)
This picture is my screen saver.
.jpg)
Melanie, I know it doesn't really matter but I sure am proud of you. You are embracing the good things in life and trying to move forward. All the things you talked about, sunshine, running, spending time with your family - they are all good. I've never been in your shoes but I can imagine that missing Andrew must be incredibly overwhelming at times. Keep putting one foot forward and pray. We are all pulling for your family.
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear God is enabling you to put the one foot out then the other. I know you are a blessing to so many. I had a dear friend named Honornell once, and your name reminded me of her.....we lost touch over the years.
ReplyDeleteI cannot imagine how much you miss Andrew, and yet I can begin to.....maybe touch it a fraction of the overwhelming flood you must feel. Thankfully God has your hand in His, leading you thru each day.
Suzanne
I read every word of the sharing of your heart for your precious son Andrew. I cried and I prayed with and for you and your dear family. May the Comforter hold you close.
ReplyDeleteFeel it.
ReplyDeleteKnow it.
Keep moving.
Repeat.
Love you.
Your strength walking through this time is amazing. Thank you for being real and sharing honestly with each of us...the good, the bad, and even the ugly. What a testimony of your faith.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, hugs, and prayers,
andrea
Melanie:
ReplyDeleteI can see it too... He is bringing you healing, one step at a time. He will ALWAYS use ANDREW in your message to others. He's your heart, and so many will hear that and be blessed... I AM BLESSED, by you and Andrew!! Your heart and your message have been both changed and enlarged, but always Andrew will be part of that, so the sharing of his life continues in you and your family. Be comforted by that.
Love,
Sonja
Hugs, Melanie. I am tearful here. Just take it a day at a time. If you can't do that, do a moment at a time. I am so blessed by your blog. You are truly a woman of God. :) Just know that we are praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteSandra
Melanie~ I am praying for you. You are doing it the right way... I just wish you didn't have to do it at all... The Lord keeps you on my mind many times through out the day... Praying for all of you~
ReplyDeleteJennifer
Sis, I love you, and I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteSweet Melanie, I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteOh Melanie.
ReplyDeleteHis face.
His face is beyond handsome.
Crying with you, praying over you, aching with you.
Love you much,
Lelia
Your Andrew is such a beautiful boy. I just wish I could wrap my arms around you on those days when nothing helps. We could just cry together.
ReplyDeleteSending love. Praying. Waiting to see what the new is God has planned.
You are amazing.
Bless your sweet heart, Melanie. Thank God He is with you and helping you through this. Praying for you ~
ReplyDeleteLove to you Melanie, and prayers.
ReplyDeleteMelanie, Your courage and faith have been such an inspiration to so many. I am very certain that there are many times where nothing at all makes it better. But I just know the Lord will bring about a special purpose and meaning for all of this for you and use you and Andrew in a mighty way for Him. Love this pic of the two of you...Praying for you, Debbie
ReplyDeleteLove that picture of you and Andrew....and that thought of "one day closer"!
ReplyDeleteStill the tears fall when I read of your pain, and still I pray for you.
ReplyDeletePraying for you.
ReplyDeleteAndi Honore is such a beautiful name. I know he gives us beauty for ashes and this is my prayer for you today. Blessings and Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI know 'words' from a blog girl you have never met might seem silly...but truly your journey watched from my perspective is so packed full of Jesus..and the real relationship you live with Him...truly leads others in to His presence. You live your life worshipping Him...and its beatiful Melanie! Know you are loved, appreciated and encouraged! Keep holding tight to His hand!
ReplyDeleteWhatever it takes, one day at a time, until that day...
ReplyDeleteLove this picture of you and Andrew.
My love to you today!
Brandi
Oh my sweet friend, you are riding another wave, and unfortunately there will be more to come. You are doing all the right things Mel, you are loving your family and friends, enjoying the beauty around you and you are grieving deeply for your son. It is okay sweetie, it is normal......all will be as it is suppose to be. Love you and keeping you in my heart and prayers.......:-) Hugs
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you.....there is NOTHING harder than losing a child.God will carry you thru. If it as'nt for Him I would not have survived!
ReplyDeleteHugs to you sweetie ... one day at a time ... one step at a time ... one breath at a time! You have done sooooo well during the most difficult situation anyone could ever possibly face here on Earth and Andrew is soooooo proud! He wants all of you to be as happy as he is! Hugs to you :)
ReplyDeleteWow. My heart breaks for you, but rejoices that through our Lord you will see your son again one day. Thank you for sharing this. I am praying for you today!
ReplyDeleteWith some moments, some days, some seasons, there is nothing we can do to separate us from the pain that invades our flesh. I think you're wise "to move through it.
ReplyDeleteFeel it.
Know it.
Keep moving."
The more we absorb the heartache on the front side of feeling it, the more healing we'll know in the end.
Prayers for peaceful rest and contemplation this weekend~elaine