Fearless - Continued & MRI update

Today on the way to get the MRI w/sedation, Andrew vomited so it was a no go because the place we were sent to was not a hospital with capabilities of using a breathing tube in case of vomiting under sedation.
We are rescheduled for tomorrow afternoon at All Children's Hospital.
PLEASE PRAY THAT WE HAVE WISDOM. We are beginning to wonder if these delays are "God delays." We just don't know.
But what I do know is God is a good God and always worthy and always trustworthy.
No doubt about it!
Still standing in faith for THE MIRACLE FOR ANDREW.

I had reached a breaking point. The fear that gripped my mind was so strong at times I felt as though an actual presence was overshadowing me. I hesitate to share that in the thought that some may find it too much to read and thereby too much to believe. But the Bible does talk about a "spirit of fear" (2 Timothy 1:7).

I can remember like snapshots in time when I was terribly afraid at night. The kind of fear that makes you sweat but still you pull the covers up over your head. There were moments of sheer terror in which I tried not to even move a muscle and longed for the relief that comes from falling asleep until the morning sun lit my room. But I never told anyone. Not my parents. Not my friends. Not my husband. Fear had me convinced that speaking about it would make it that much worse. And I didn't think I would survive the nights if they were any worse than what I was already experiencing.

Fear paralyzed me when I was pregnant with our first child. My husband worked third shift and I and my swollen belly were alone in the dark. Fear continued its torment when my husband's work required frequent travel. I became a "door checker," double checking that the doors were locked even when I knew they were.
We had a king sized bed and I could relax better if all three children were with me at night behind a locked door. I did my best to hide my intense fearfulness from everyone, especially my children.
Maybe someone reading this is "there" now. Just keep reading. There is deliverance from the "spirit of fear." I am a walking testimony of that!

When I reached my breaking point it coincided with my hunger to know God's Word and to have a closer, more intimate relationship with Jesus. I felt I should fast for a breakthrough.
More later...it's late and we have a long day tomorrow.

~~~~

Please pray that the tumors will not grow. We aren't scheduled to start treatment until next Monday and Andrew just told me that it is getting harder to move his leg. We are looking into other treatments in other places but time is of the essence.

Continued here from Tuesday's post:

Our church was having a special guest, a man who taught on fasting. He had lived a lifestyle of fasting and had seen great results through it. The church was encouraged to fast.
I made up my mind to fast for 3 days in order to hear from God and to seek freedom from the "spirit of fear." At the conclusion of fasting I attended the night service in which our pastor had told us to expect a move of God.
I went expecting to be freed, delivered once and for all, from fear. I sat in the pew and the time came when the pastor began to pray for people. I sat waiting for what I thought would be my opportunity. I sat with my heart beating furiously and my palms pouring sweat. I sat waiting for my opportunity.
My opportunity came in a way I didn't expect.
The pastor called for people who had "addictions."
At the word "addictions," I felt I should go for prayer but I didn't have an "addiction."
And yet, I still felt that I should go forward for prayer.
I thought, "What if this is my opportunity and I miss it because of pride?"

When you are really desperate for freedom, for relief, for God to do something big for you, you lose your pride. You put what others may think about you behind. How badly did I want to be freed from the overwhelming, paralyzing fear that arrived in the night to terrorize me?

I must tell you here that I knew ALL of the scriptures regarding fear. I quoted them over and again when fear attacked me. I prayed and wondered what else I could possibly do to rid myself of this enemy. Many times I thought of the words of Jesus to His disciples: "This kind can only come out by prayer and fasting" Mark 9:29.

I hesistated only a moment at the word "addiction," and then I got up and walked down the aisle where the pastor stood. He layed his hand on my forehead and prayed for me. In that moment I felt different and I knew something had happened.

From that night on I have never suffered from fear to the extent that I had before fasting and being prayed for to break an "addiction."
Yes, I have felt the "temptation" to give into fear but I always remind myself and even speak aloud that God delivered me from a "spirit of fear." There have been many more nights in which the children and I have been alone due to my husband's job requiring travel. A couple of years ago, he was in Australia for 5 weeks! I have learned to give our home and our children, my husband and myself to the safekeeping of THE ONLY ONE WHO IS ALWAYS TRUSTWORTHY. I trust Him with our lives and with our livelihood.
With Andrew's diagnosis, there have been many opportunities to fear, yet I am continuing to "lay him on the altar" knowing that God's intentions toward Him are good. I remind myself of the life of Joseph and what the enemy meant as a means to destroy Joseph, God turned for Joseph's good. We fully expect God to do the same for Andrew and for our family.

God doesn't give people cancer. God gave His Son, Jesus, who suffered on our behalf so we wouldn't have to. God is well acquainted with a suffering Son. His Son suffered so mine would not. Isaiah 53:5 tells me, "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him and BY HIS WOUNDS WE ARE HEALED."

I have never shared this story of my deliverance from the "spirit of fear." Why do I share it now? Because I have committed to God that in what we are walking through with Andrew, GOD WILL BE GLORIFIED.
And if that means, opening myself up to you on a blog and making myself vulnerable to misunderstanding and perhaps even criticism because your theology differs from what I believe, then so be it.
I am officially out of the business of "impression management." That means I have relinquished my "need" to manage what anyone thinks of me.
If you struggle with fear, it would be my privilege to add your name to my personal prayer journal.
"Thanks be to God who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him" 2 Cor. 2:14
Andrew's Psalm - Psalm 27.
I love you, sisters.

No More Fear

June '09 - Andrew pushes us in a beach swing on HoneyMoon Island

It was my birthday and it was a GOOD day!

The night before I took Andrew to our family doctor to find out why he had lost use of his left hand, I was drawn to this passage in Isaiah: "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You" Isaiah 26:3.

Upon examination, medical staff began scrambling to get Andrew an MRI as quickly as possible. Calls were made to several places and finally we got a spot. Andrew didn't make it to the finish of the first MRI. I did not know he could have been medicated and so I sat next to him as he lay confined on the table crying. I kept my hand on his leg and tried to will and pray peace into him at the same time.

I think I must have quoted Isaiah 26:3 a million times. Over and over again. But Andrew began to move around too much and the MRI could not be completed. They moved the table out of the tube and he begged me not to let them put him back in. This mother's heart was breaking. The technician told me if it were his child he would make him go back in. But it wasn't his child, was it?
I asked them to send whatever they had gotten to our doctor and maybe it would be enough to show there was NOT a mass on Andrew's brain.

A few hours later, I got the phone call that FOREVER changed our lives. When I was told the MRI showed a large mass on the right side of Andrew's brain, I asked twice, "Are you sure?" "Are you sure?" My husband looked at me asking, "What?" "What?"
"I don't think I can take this" I answered.

But here we are almost two weeks after that first MRI, an ER visit when Andrew began complaining of his left leg feeling heavy, two more MRI's under sedation, a cat scan, an EEG, a drug induced 24 hours of horrific hallucinations (decadron - the devil drug) , two very somber visits with an oncologist, and Friday's consultation with the doctors who administer radiation.

We have signed papers for medical treatment that make you shake and groan when reading the possible complications that could result.

But we have also committed our son to the Father and, I suspect, we will have to do this over and again. When Andrew was just a few weeks old, my father who is a pastor, dedicated Andrew to God in our home...the only home Andrew has ever lived in. We could stand in the same spot in our living room right now where we gathered with family and friends for the dedication service. He is the only one of our three who was not dedicated at church.

When Andrew was about a year old, the old enemy of my life - fear, had escalated to the level of torment. I had struggled with fear as a young girl and it seemed that the older I got the greater the fear grew. Truly, it was a "spirit of fear." The fear grew exponentially while I was pregnant with our daughter, who is now 19.
I could not relax if my children were not under MY care. Even when they were with my husband on an errand, I was anxious until they returned. I never shared the overwhelming sense of forboding and anxiety I had with anyone. My husband traveled frequently for many years and I was fine in the day time.
But night always fell. And fear always dominated. I would keep my eyes open as long as I could, watching shadows and listening for sounds in the night.
I never told anyone, believing that even forming the audible words would intensify the torment.
But the day came when I knew I could not go on any longer living in the day and terrified of the night.
I'll share my story of deliverance from the "spirit of fear." Maybe today. Maybe tomorrow. But I WILL share it. And God WILL BE GLORIFIED.

Thank you, sisters, for your sweet emails, comments, words of encouragement and intercession.
NO FEAR.

My Witnesses

God Is Great

Yesterday we had the meeting with the doctors who oversee radiation. The first doctor came in and spoke to my husband, myself and Andrew. He examined him - the same neurological tests as Andrew's had several times lately. By now we can all do this exam!
Then Dr. F. asked what Andrew knows. I told him what we have told Andrew. Then I said, "But we are Christians. And there are 1000's of people praying for Andrew and we believe God heals and that is what we are believing and expecting. So that's what Andrew knows."
I was met with a blank expression and silence. By the doctor's last name I could surmise his "religious heritage and culture." I was delighted to be able to share that the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and the Dorsey family is still healing today and that is what we are fully expecting.
Enter Dr. L. He and Dr. F. most certainly share the same cultural heritage. (Now I could be mistaken but I don't think so, especially when the word "kibbitz" was used. It was used in the context of "chatting" until Dr. L. could join us.)

So what is God up to? "...and through us spreading everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him."

On the first day, 8/26, when our family doctor sent Andrew for the first MRI and then called later to tell us the results, I told God, "You WILL be GLORIFIED."

So back to Dr. F. and Dr. L.
Dr. L. began telling us all of the side effects of radiation. You are probably familiar with the short term effects but maybe not so much with the long term effects. They are VERY BAD. This was the first time Andrew had heard any of it and I would have protected him but the doctor gave us no warning whatsoever.
As some of the worst things were named, I felt myself sinking.
But then, it as as though the Holy Spirit strengthened my spiritual backbone. I actually sat up taller. And all of those words, like arrows, just bounced right off of me.
I looked at my husband whose eyes were teary. I looked at our son whose head was hanging.
Later as we were leaving the parking lot of the cancer center, I said to Andrew, "I just want to say this: The doctor has to say those things can happen. But we are believing God will heal you and you will not face any of that. So let it go in one ear and out the other."

Now, even though we have been told this type of cancer is very aggressive and treatment should not be delayed, Andrew is not set to start treatment for a few more days. They are closed Monday! So Tuesday we go in for him to be fitted with the radiation mask, have a cat scan and another MRI.
Dr. L. said "things" can change and he needs a more precise MRI in order to know exactly where and how much radiation to deliver to the tumors.

I am praying and asking God that when the MRI results are in, it will show that God has already started doing the work and the tumors are shrinking. My heart longs for our son not to have to go through radiation and chemo.
I told Andrew that is what we are asking God and believing for. I also told him this: "I don't know that it will happen that way but I do believe that you will be healed and be 100% recovered."

I am very thankful for smart, kind and caring doctors, nurses and others in the field of medicine. They have blessed us through all of this with their gentleness and desire to help Andrew. They are not our enemy when they give us facts based on experience, science and research.

It's simply that facts change but truth is eternal. So we stand on faith not facts.

Last night I prayed for Dr. F. and Dr. L, especially for Dr. F. because he is the one in which I shared our belief in Christ and healing. I fell asleep praying for him.


Our enemy is THE ENEMY OF CHRIST and all that he attempts to do in order to thwart God's authority. He did it in heaven when he fought for control and took a third of the angels down with him. He did it in the garden when he tempted Eve. He has no new tricks. He is not creative. He is a liar and a deceiver.

Yesterday I found this in The Message and have been reading it aloud. Maybe you, too, will be encouraged by it.

"Let them (tumors) present their expert witnesses and make their case (for cancer); let them try to convince us what they say is true (no hope). But you are my witnesses. 'God's Decree.'
"You're my handpicked servant so that you'll come to know and trust me, understand both that I am and who I am. Previous to me there was no such thing as a god, nor will there be after me. I, yes, I am GOD. I'm the only Savior there is. I spoke, I saved, I told you what existed long before the upstart gods appeared on the scene. And you know it, you're my witnesses, you're the evidence." 'God's Decree.'
"Yes, I am God. I've always been God and I always will be God. No one can take anything from me. I make; who can unmake it?" Isaiah 43:9 - 13.

Wow! 'Love that, don't you?
I love you, sisters!

The God Word

He will pass through the fire, but not be burned.

Those are the words I felt were impressed upon my heart two days ago.

"But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel:

'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you"

Isaiah 43:1-2.

This week I have been thinking about God's preparation. For many weeks I have been preparing for a women's conference that my best friend, Alisa, and I were planning for 9/11 & 9/12. God had been taking me in directions that I had never traveled as far as studying His Word and writing teaching notes. Numerous times, I had retreated to my "prayer closet," the SECRET PLACE, and lain prostrate before God, seeking Him, worshipping Him, listening to Him.

Last week I realized that the preparation for the conference was actually preparation for what we are going through now with Andrew's situation. The report is he has an inoperable stage 4 brain tumor. It is in the white matter of his brain which is why it is inoperable. The oncologist does not offer much hope. (I detest even writing that but want you to know what we are dealing with.)

BUT WE ARE GOING WITH GOD ON THIS. WE BELIEVE HIS REPORT.

Each day the Holy Spirit speaks another LIFE GIVING WORD FROM THE LIVING WORD. Sometimes one of our family members will tell us what they are feeling and the Word that is coming to them and it is the same scripture or impression that I or my husband has been sensing for that day. THAT'S GOD.

Sometimes I will receive a comment or an email with a scripture that is like God answering my present question.

Yesterday morning I woke up with this, "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen" Eph. 3:20-21.

I have also been thinking about some of the entries that I have posted on this blog over the past year. This one has had me thinking for a couple of day, especially in the light of Isaiah 43:1-2.

And now this is it for me: "And these three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego, fell down bound into the midst of the burning fiery furnace. Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished; and he rose in haste and spoke, saying to his counselors, 'Did we not cast three men bound into the midst of the fire?' They answered and said to the king, 'True, O king.'

'Look!' he answered, 'I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire; and they are not hurt, and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.'"

He will pass through the fire, but not be burned...because Jesus is in the middle of the storm with Andrew. Don't give up on YOUR miracle. We aren't giving up on THE MIRACLE FOR ANDREW.

Triumphal Procession

Audra, Avery, Me, Andrew, Ted the pup - Mother's Day '09
Andrew, Dan, Avery - Christmas vacation 12/08

I'm praising God today. He is worthy, holy, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, alpha, omega, and already in our tomorrow!!!!!


When you read that, read it aloud so your own ears can hear the Good News of our God!

Let it soak down deep into your spirit where the Holy Spirit resides. Lift up a praise of adoration and thanksgiving because He inhabits, lives in, and dwells in OUR PRAISES.

And I'm thanking Him for the Body of Christ who battles with us in the eye of the hurricane.


While we had to face the "facts" of very bad news yesterday, the truth of God's WORD and His PLANS for Andrew and our family remain sturdy, solid and stable.

How you can agree in prayer with us: A miracle of healing, zero side effects from radiation and chemo which begins Monday. Wisdom in the best way to provide for him nutritionally and any other external approaches, peace for Andrew and a deep very personal relationship between just Jesus and Andrew. We also pray that Andrew would see the beauty of Christ and fall in love with His Savior, the One who suffered for him and all of us.

Andrew accepted Christ as his personal Savior a few years ago and this week we reasserted that with Him. Over the years Andrew (and my other children) have prayed on my behalf when I have been sick. Andrew knows that God hears and answers prayer and he fully expects that God will heal Him.
Pray for the doctors, nurses and all involved in Andrew's care.
How can I express my heartfelt gratitude, love and thanks for all of you who have blessed us and continue to bless our family in your encouragement, timely scripture (often reflecting what we are meditating upon for that day!), and intercession for Andrew and us? There are no words but if there were, they would fill the deepest, widest places.

And this is already manifesting: "Thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of HIM" 2 Cor. 2:14. NIV

Meeting Today

We are meeting with the oncologist today at 2:45 est 9/2. I'm asking that you pray that Andrew has a fullness of peace in his spirit, mind and body in the midst of whatever the doctor will explain to him. We are blessed that she is a Christian.

Psalm 27

Last week I was impressed to begin praying Psalm 27 over Andrew. Yesterday his sister, Audra (Guitar Girl), put the 27th Psalm on a poster board for his room. She used The Message version.
Why not read that tonight with your children? Let that be a part of your nightly routine tonight or sometime very soon.

Please know that every pray you are praying, every scripture you send me in a comment or email lifts us up. I share your faith filled comments with my family.

"Thanks be to God who always leads us in triumphal procession and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him" 2nd Cor. 2:14.

Worship Him. Praise Him. Persist in Prayer. Be in unity. Take your authority. Spiritual warfare: pursue, overtake, recover.