While looking through photographs for Andrew's service, we found this one taken about 2 years ago. I had not remembered it. I LOVE IT. I LOVE HIM.To try to tell you how difficult it is to know Andrew is no longer in our presence would be such a shallow expression to convey deep pain.
~~~~~
On the rare occasions that I was sick or had a migraine, Andrew would check on me. He would offer me water or whatever I might need. He often paused, closed his eyes and then would say, "I prayed for you, Mommy." When he was little he called me "mommy" which was eventually replaced with "mom." But over the past few months, he had started calling me "mama."
Just a few days before he went to heaven, he was eating his breakfast and he told me, "I want to spend some time with you today, Mama."
We talked about some things we could do together despite the paralysis of his left arm.
Since he went to heaven, I keep hearing him say, "I want to spend some time with you today, Mama."
We were determined that Andrew's service would be an expression of worship to the Lord as well as a way to share who Andrew really IS to those who don't know him like we do.
As my friends on the praise & worship team sang, "There is a river whose streams make glad the city of our God...," we raised our hands in worship to our Lord and Savior who is ALWAYS HOLY AND ALWAYS WORTHY OF WORSHIP.
During our time of worship, I could "hear" Andrew's words again, "I want to spend some time with you today, Mama."
It was then that I knew in worshipping the Lord, I WAS spending time with Andrew for I knew that he was also worshipping the Lord. And so in worshipping God, I am able to actively participate in Andrew's life in Heaven. And some day I will see Andrew's hands raised in praise...both the right and the left.
More pictures and more words later...
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That is one of the most beautiful thoughts - that you are worshiping the Lord together. I believe the Holy Spirit put that thought into your mind.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful mama you are, Melanie. Your words, your thoughts, bring me right to the presence of the Lord.
Dearest Melanie-
ReplyDeleteAgain, we do not 'know' each other, but I wanted to thank you for sharing this journey you are on with all of us.
I have been reading your blog posts all morning, and I am humbled and inspired.
Words seem incomplete- just know my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Laura
What a wonderful truth you have discovered this morning. You ARE connected together with Andrew every time you worship, KNOWING he is doing the same thing. I can't express enough how you have inspired and touched me through this whole season in your life. How many lives will you touch for Him through your faith and love for our mighty Savior? I pray the Lord will continue to reveal to you many truths that show His unwavering love for you. Still praying. Debbie
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say - except that I'm so thankful that the Lord has given you special things to treasure WITH Andrew for as long as you are on this side of Heaven. I prayed specifically for you this morning in my QT, and every time the Lord brings you and your family to my mind.
ReplyDeleteWith love and prayers...
Jennifer
What a beautiful epiphany! As you continue to grieve, I am sure that the Lord will reveal even much more to you with His assurance that Andrew is safe, happy, and continues to be with you in spirit.
ReplyDeleteWhat precious words he gave you Mel. Loved ones spending time together is the greatest gift. One I wish honestly, my children understood a bit more.
ReplyDeleteI am thinking and praying for you today and tomorrow especially. May you have joy in sharing with your family!
Beautiful thoughts you have expressed. Wishing you a peacefull day.
ReplyDeleteYour love of the Lord and your family is such a blessing to witness....May you have a loving Christmas filled with peace with your family and friends....:-) Hugs
ReplyDeleteAndrew is a beautiful boy! He looks like his mama.
ReplyDeleteSo thankful that God is our strong tower in times like these.
I will be continually praying for you all and wishing you and your family a blessed Christmas.
Hugs,
Tara
Melanie, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us. Praising God opens us up for all the blessing He has for us, and I can see that praise is the place to find Jesus AND Andrew. I just see Jesus with His arm around him, like a Dad would do. Proud of him and enjoying his company.
ReplyDeletehugs and love, Melanie,
Debra
Oh my sister. Beautiful. Your faith brings me to tears. I will be praying for you. Man, how do the Mom's who don't know and love Jesus survive this kind of precious temporary parting? So glad you & Andrew both know and love Jesus Christ!!! Such hope. xoxo...
ReplyDeleteWhat a treasure this image is - and your relationship with Andrew and the Lord is. I can't imagine your pain. I pray God will touch you and your family in a very special way.
ReplyDeleteYour Andrew is beautiful. As are you, Melanie. I know there are no words to comfort now. But I am sending some love your way.
ReplyDeleteOh Melanie, what a precious photo of you and Andrew! My heart is heavy for you during this time but I'm glad to read your post. I don't know how people could deal with the death of loved ones if they didn't know the Lord. But yes, Andrew is in heaven and I love how you can still praise and worship despite your pain. May you also be comforted by your sisters in Christ who are upholding you in prayer.
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs,
Debbie
Well, here I am tears flowing again. Although I do not know you "personally" Melanie, your precious heart and words have continued to inspire and bless me in a profound way. What a beautiful picture you have posted of mama and son, and an even more beautiful picture of the eternal joy we will share in as we worship our King of Kings and Lord of Lords together in heaven! That is the hope of Glory! I love you dear sister in Christ, and I am remembering your family in our prayers daily.
ReplyDeleteWhat a precious photo. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. You worshiping together with him, and him with both hands raised, the mention of it brought tears for me. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you.
ReplyDeletei've been thinking about you a lot lately and praying for you too melanie. big hugs today for you and your family...as you worship the KING!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful child and a beautiful gift to leave you with those words! I love the picture of both you and Andrew worshipping our King with hands in the air! Praise God indeed.
ReplyDeleteContinuing to pray for you all!
Oh, Sweet Melanie, that is so precious. You look alike. Praying for God's comfort and peace ~ and that you and your family will have a blessed Christmas. Thank you for your awesome posts. Love and Hugs, Cathy
ReplyDeleteBeautiful words, precious thoughts, Melanie. I am praying for you today.
ReplyDeletexo...Kathy
when i opened up your blog and saw that picture, it took my breath away! tears are flowing again. oh how i love your heart for Jesus and your testimony is such a sweet gift to God.
ReplyDeleteyou really are loved deeply!
I was telling my (32-yr.old) son about you earlier today, & once again you have me in tears reading this... But they are tears of sadness & joy for all of you. What a service that must have been! I tried to read this to my husband, but had to stop several times. You have so beautifully shared Andrew with us again - thank you.
ReplyDeletePrecious! Simply precious!
ReplyDeleteLove you & continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Valerie
Melanie--what a beautiful picture of God's goodness. You & your boy look so much alike. I love this picture too. Im praying that the deep places in you would be filled by the deep places of God. Psalm 42:7 much love to you tonight, lisa
ReplyDeleteWhat a precious picture!!! Finding comfort in the promise that God will never leave you or forsake you!! Covering your family in prayer!
ReplyDeleteWhat a precious post and tribute to Andrew and to the Lord Jesus as well.
ReplyDeleteSomehow - I knew that WORSHIP would be the connection for you and all who were at Andrew's service.
What wonderful words that Andrew left in your mind. NO DOUBT our God allowed him to express those words to you that day so that you WOULD recall them. They are a gift from the Lord just like Andrew was a gift from Him - here for a short [too short] time - on loan from the Father above.
"Mama" will forever ring treasured thoughts in your mind and heart! When you 'remember' Andrew - you honor him and you honor the Lord! May you spend many hours right now sharing with your family about Andrew's life, saying often, "Remember when..........?"
Now every time you raise your hands, heart and voice to WORSHIP our Lord, you will forever 'remember' your precious Andrew! Andrew's worship is now painfree and neverending!
Ecclesiastes 3
A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
----------------------------
This is your time to mourn and grieve. As one who knows [from the loss of my own husband] please take the time to grieve and to mourn your loss.
It's a process...
Healing will come...
but grieving comes first...
and you have permission...
to mourn.
To everything there is a season.
Choosing JOY, Stephanie
You are a wise woman and I am continually amazed that in your deepest pain you continue to teach us.
ReplyDeleteThat is such a precious picture of you and Andrew. Put it in a frame! I'll be thinking of your family tomorrow.
Hugs,
Stacey
I never have words for times like these but want you to know you come to mind often and I'm praying for you.
ReplyDeleteAndrew is a beautiful young man. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
Much love to you and yours.
Melanie: I too believe he is watching you. Part of that cloud of witnesses. How precious that he wanted to be with his Mama, no one can take that away from you. Hugs, Martha
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of you often and pouring out prayer for you often. I prayed just now that the Lord would sustain you and hold you up as well as your husband and children. If you want, please share your specific prayer requests, I'd so love to do that at least for you. His power, yes His power.
ReplyDeleteOh, dear Melanie, your words are precious, and I know so beautiful and wonderful to the ears of our God, who loves you so much. In the depths of grief, your heart so wanting Andrew to still be here with you, worshiping the Lord is still first on your mind...your inspiration to all of us is amazing...I know, Melanie, that the Lord knows your pain, and He also knows the work He has prepared for you to do. Whatever else He has, I know that your faith and your testimony will speak to thousands, including those in blogland, facebook, and everywhere else that the Lord has you touch a life. We all have so much to bear, yet we go on, and we support and lift each other so that we go on, and go on with great joy, despite our losses.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you and your family tonight, that tomorrow, the Lord will visit you with His precious presence and His wonderful grace, and that you feel His arms around you, knowing that Andrew is by His side. We can't possibly know what its like to be standing in the glorious presence of God, but Andrew does now, and there is nothing that can take his attention away from that! I'm so thankful that we know we have eternal and everlasting life with Him, and that we will all meet our loved ones again, and soon.
As the memories of Andrew's sweet words bring smiles to your face, remember that he knew how much you loved him...he left here knowing that he had the best mama God could have given him.
May your Christmas be filled with peace and joy.
Love and hugs,
Mary
Melanie, you have been in my thoughts, wondering how you and rest of the family are doing. Pray for peace, though hard during this this time of the year and what you are going through.
ReplyDeleteI pray that God would wrap you in his arms and comfort you every minute of the day. Hugs
Wow Melanie;
ReplyDeleteChristmas and your skateboarder son is an Angel looking, from above, at you : )
My eyes filled with tears, my heart pounded yet you are still a Mom to him.
Strong...
Peace
carole
I love this picture too Melanie! Andrew's words were a gift to you. How beautiful is God's plan for them. Our voices do unite as one. I join you both in worship today, looking forward to the day we all gather at the river together. Much love to you Melanie. You and your family were in my thoughts and prayers before my feet hit the floor this morning. May God cover you with His feathers and keep you close.
ReplyDeleteBarbara
Had to look at the pic again. Love the spark in Andrew's eye. Sooo cute and sweet, just like his Mama.
ReplyDeleteMelanie,
ReplyDeleteJust had to pop over on Christmas Day. You were heavy on my heart! So proud of you! And so thankful for your sweet Andrew's spirit! Sounds so much like my sweet Nick's! I do believe we were entertaining angels unaware. Nick's service is on youtube and has been a place of comfort to me many times watching the different parts of the service. A celebration I never wanted to have but one I will never forget.
We're heading to the hospital to deliver baskets today to the kids there. Praying for you as we go.
Much love,
Tammy
www.tammynischan.blogspot.com
JOSHUA 1:9 (Nick's favorite verse)
Melanie,
ReplyDeleteI had a moment this morning as we were opening gifts and our living room was full of some sense of laughter again and everything seemed so "joyous" yet Nick was not here. Tears came to my eyes as I realized that in these brief but very happy times we are actually as close as we'll ever be on this planet to our sweet boys who are worshipping in the Presence of the King.
Thankful to have treasured stored above.
Confident that one day we will all worship together!
Love you,
tammy
Melanie, The picture is both precious and beautiful of you and Andrew! What a gift, that the love so evident in the photo will live on! Beautiful post! And I want to you to know that I am praying for you and your family today! ~big hugs, Rhonda :)
ReplyDeleteI loved this post. Andrew is truly experiencing all the beauty and joy and wonder of being in the presence of God, and worshipping without ceasing, with no pain or suffering, just peace, love and joy.
ReplyDeleteAnd while the pain you feel is unmeasurable, to think you can worship with Andrew the same loving God, is a wonderful feeling. I pray you will be immersed in the presence of God, as you "spend some time with Andrew."
Thanks for sharing the pictures below. I also really love the one in this post! It's awesome to know that everything works for him in Heaven and that he is rejoicing!
ReplyDeleteAaah, my tears are flowing as well. Continuing my prayers for you guys. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteSandra
Dear Melaine, I don't even know how I got here but God does. He heard me when I was lamenting our Christmas Day as one with disappointments over situations out of our control which most all are anyway, and I think He sent me to visit you and read about your precious son Andrew so I might get off the pity party and praise Him on today His birthday.
ReplyDeleteI will now have you and your family to pray for and be able to focus less on my own "stuff". As Catholic we believe that Andrew is not the one we must now pray for because he is indeed the fortunate one as he is with his Father in Heaven but we who are left to mourn must be remembered in prayer for strength to endure the grief. God Bless you and your familly Melanie. Mollye
Great picture!
ReplyDeleteEach of your posts bring tears to my eyes and admiration to my heart. You convey such a beautiful relationship with the Lord...full of trust and worship.
May God's love continue to strengthen you, bless you and give you peace!! Hugs to you and your family!
Melanie...the Lord is always there with us... holding, lifting and encouraging us. Andrew was a special young man... and blessed to have you as his mama. What wonderful words he left you to cherish. My God continue his comfort and peace to you and your family.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your family during this unbelievably difficult time - I loved your post - I am thinking that is what the Lord is saying to us all the time...."I want to spend time with you..." May he wrap his loving arms around you and lift you up when you feel like nothing else can.
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches for you and am thinking of you each day..
ReplyDeleteMelanie You continue to inspire and amaze me! You are delightful!
ReplyDeleteI love Andrews sweet picture!
Hugs!
What precious thoughts, Melanie. Thank you for continuing to teach us amidst such pain and grief. I can't tell you how many times you and your family have crossed my mind in recent weeks. My prayers for all of you continue. Love that beautiful photo. What a cherished treasure.
ReplyDeleteSweet blessings,
Tracy
Oh Melanie, I do not have adequate words for you, but your sharing goes beyond mere words and touches the very deepest part of us all. I love this picture...you can just see how wonderful he was. Your faith is a testimony of a God that has done a work in your hearts, your lives and your family. Even now Andrew is still touching hearts for the Lord.
ReplyDeleteFrom the moment I first found his prayer button sometime in late August or early September, I have followed your words and reports and your never dying faith. I have prayed and cried along with you even though we have never met...but your faith has been an inspiration to me........as we go, I know the journey is to mature in that faith...and experiencing this thru your words and your faith, well the truth is I realize I have far to go....but I also realizes..with God it is possible. There is such an admiration for you and your family and even though I know "There is a time to mourn" and there will be those times, your faith is a testimony of "our" Father that still stand the test of time as it touches lives all over this internet. You are a blessing to so many (including me). I will continue to pray for your family, just going thru the motions and memories..........Thank you so much for being so willing to share all of this with us!!!!!!
Worship. Truly your life exemplifies that. I love the consolation you were given of your union and future reunion with Andrew...sweet blessings from Jesus.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you and your family.
That was beautiful. I feel the same way when I'm in church worshipping my Lord knowing that my father is doing the same and it comforts me. I play the piano for our church and I cannot play for one service without thinking of my father watching me as he did so often when I would play growing up in the church he pastored. My heart goes out to you and I pray you are comforted in the way that only our Lord can.
ReplyDeleteI love this picture of you two as well...
ReplyDeleteOne day soon, friend. Prayers again this night for you and your family.
peace~elaine
Praying for you and your family...
ReplyDeleteFor He looks upon you with a smile upon His face. You are a beautiful daugther who shines HIm in such a way that those who come upon this story...the one in which Andrew served his Jesus to the very maximum...cannot leave unchanged. Bless you and your amazing family...trusting and knowing He will continue to pour down all that is needed! Amen
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to stop by and say I hope you and your family are doing ok. Thinking of you all often. Just shared your ministry and about Andrew with a dear friend of mine this afternoon. She is joining a convent next year. She has witnessed those who are homeless, broken people. I shared your story after she shared that her 20something nephew had relapsed on drugs again. We got into a conversation about how such terrible things happen to people. It just saddens me when I know the anguish, grief and pain that overwhelms so many people. Where other place is REALLY there for us other than the arms of our Saviour. Yet sometimes I know we must be beating on his chest with tears begging for answers while he embraces us with tears as well.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure why I'm sharing all of this with you. I'm just thinking of you Melanie and my heart hurts for you. I will continue to remember you in my prayers wonderful mom.
I am praying for you, dear Sister. Your journey has touched me so deeply. I've written a post about your faith in the midst of the storm.
ReplyDeleteKnow that you are in my heart and prayers.
Melanie, just popped over to say hello, wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and carry you in my heart and prayers always...Hope you and your family are doing well under the circumstances....:-) Hugs
ReplyDeleteThis is such a beautiful post. Truly an amazing kid. Heaven is brighter because he's in it.
ReplyDeleteThinking about you Melanie.
ReplyDeleteThis was beautiful...thank you Melanie for letting us be a part of this journey. You all continue to be in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteLove you,
Susan
Just thinking about you today. Praying that you are spending time in that common place with Andrew. You know I'm always a phone call away and I hardly ever sleep =) I would love to talk again soon
ReplyDeletelove you, sister.
Your son is beautiful!
ReplyDeleteWhen Grief o'ertakes you in its tide,
When you think this breath your last,
Reach to Him Who's by your side,
And cling to the saving mast.
The waves are high, the water's deep,
You cannot go around,
Straight through the storm He'll safely lead
Until you reach firm ground.
Don't struggle in the waves that beat
Don't fight the thunderous crash,
Let Jesus carry you to meet Relief and calm at last.
Say to your heart, "He's for me now, Just as He's always been",
Try not to question "why or how"
Just beg your heart to trust Him.
When Grief o'ertakes you in its tide
And deepest dark surrounds you,
don't fight the waves--
just close your eyes
And feel His arms around you.
-K. Crawford, 2009
You are loved! We are All praying over you.
~Brandi Bass
So beautiful, Melanie! I know why that picture is one of your favorites - both of you look so happy..and so loved by one another! How precious, "I want to spend some time with you today, Mama." Oh..for just one more day! But, there is an eternity coming....
ReplyDeletePlease know you have been in my thoughts over these holidays and as a new year begins. As I read through your comments - you are covered in prayer....remember that.
LOVE the pictures of your sweet Andrew!!
Melanie,
ReplyDeleteI just read "90 Minutes in Heaven" and it is so awesome to get a glimpse into eternity.
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God.” Psalm 46:4
This scripture is a rhema word to me as well. I wrote about it regarding Michael's wife Brenda:
http://michaelpink.com/blog/2009/12/15/there-is-a-river
Love you, Beverly
Melanie am leaving in a few minutes to spend the evening with friends but I couldn't go out without sending you love and letting you know you and your family are in my thoughts....May your faith and all the prayers going out for y'all guide you into the New Year....much love from a blogger friend.....:-) Hugs
ReplyDeleteDon't know you and just recently started reading your blog, but thought of you often over the holiday and wondered about your heart. But with this last post, you have blown me away with your faith and hope and trust in the lORD. God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking of you and praying for you, your husband and family.
ReplyDeletePrecious photo of you and your precious Andrew.
May God's love, peace and comfort overflow on you this and every day.
Praying God's peace and mercy and love to comfort you and your family at this time (as tears stream down my face). Thank you for sharing Andrew with us.
ReplyDeleteAmen! I share some of the same feelings in regard to my sister. She began her heavenly journey at age 17. When I worship the LORD, I feel so close to Dayna, as well. Now, 20 years have passed and I have a granddaughter. Sometimes, I see a glimpse of Dayna's smile or expressions in our sweet Savannah Faith. When I see those precious little quirky looks that only GOD could have given her to share with me...I praise HIM. All this time and GOD still cares about my inner most feelings regarding my sister.
ReplyDeleteWith much love and prayers,
andrea
You are a remarkable woman who shows us all how to live in deep faith with God. I can only imagine the depths of you pain...
ReplyDeleteMay God comfort you anew every day.
I must have pressed a button on someone else's blog, but no matter how it happened, I suddenly found myself on your blog.
ReplyDeleteAs I read the story of your son Andrew, I couldn't keep back the tears. Of course you are worshiping and rejoicing, for God holds the seasons of our lives in His hands...but I understand the pain that can never be described by mere words.
I also lost a loved one about a year ago, and there are times when the longing to be with him again just catches me unawares. And it is amazing how God's comfort and strength has been real all this time.
There is a time to mourn, and a time to laugh. I've been through these seasons, and have felt the healing comfort that the changing seasons bring.
Please know that I am praying for you and rejoicing with you as well in all these.
Your son's life is being celebrated each time you remember him with love, and fondness.
Blessings,
Lidj
I heard about your story through another blog. What a precious boy! I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers. Thanks for sharing your journey.
ReplyDeleteJust want you to know I think of you every day and say a prayer for you and your family. I hope you're doing okay!
ReplyDeleteLove & hugs,
Valerie
Just stopping by to let you know I thought of you today...I prayed for you.
ReplyDeleteMelanie,
ReplyDeleteI have similar feelings as those that you express here. Yet mine are with my father. My daddy met Jesus face to face on Feb. 25th. I know that losing my father does not compare to losing a son. I know that some deaths are harder than others. But I too imagine my father in heaven. When I am sad and dealing with hard circumstances as the tears fall I see my daddy watching... with my Abba.... Now you've given me another picture to imagine... Daddy worshipping with me while I am worshipping...
My heart aches for you.
Julie
I have just found your blog via traveling from another. It's amazing how we are led through the internet to various blogs and people. I know how hard it is on you to be without your son because I am without one of mine. My loss was many years ago but nonetheless, the pain can come back to me so fresh - like it was yesterday.
ReplyDeletePlease know that my heart is with you and that your mother's pain - I know - is immense. You will be in my thoughts and prayers during this first year without your son, as your wound will need volumes of time to heal.