I'm blogging at www.melaniedorsey.com . Please join me there.

Dec 13, 2010

No Box!

Marker
The permanent marker arrived. I can't help but feel that this is what we got our son, Andrew, for Christmas this year. I do not want to feel this way. Andrew is our youngest child and we miss not being able to Christmas shop for him. 
Gift
I chose a tag from our Angel Tree at church. I picked the gift request of a 12 year old boy. He wants roller blades. He needs a men's size 10. This has proved difficult to find in the local stores so we will search online today so we can fulfill another young boy's Christmas wish.
Shoes
One day in January I was home alone and I went in my boys' bedroom - the one Avery and Andrew shared. I looked through Andrew's side of the closet and saw his Nike shoes. I sat on the edge of the bed and I put them on. They were too big. At the age of 12, his feet had outgrown mine. But I slipped my feet into my boy's shoes and I tied them. Then I walked around the house in them. I thought to myself, "Why couldn't I have taken his pain to wear like I am wearing these shoes?"
 I would have walked that road for him, had I been given the choice.
 Choir
Yesterday marked a year to the day as the last day the five of us sat in church together. As the choir ministered in presenting a Christmas program, I held Andrew's Bible close to me, wrapping my arms around it as though it were him. 
And I remembered that last year while the Christmas choir sang, Andrew leaned into me and whispered in my ear, "It's just not the same without you up there, Mom." 
Poem
I wrote this poem and posted it in February. We had to box up the medical supplies and wheelchair for return. It was such a hard and heartrending task. I had also gone through some of Andrew's clothing and things. Some I boxed and some I placed in my cedar chest in my bedroom. I left a few of his clothes hanging in the closet. And the shoes I walked around in are there, too.
No Box!
by Melanie Dorsey

A box cannot contain my love for you, nor who you are.
Not any kind of box.
Not the ones that will store clothes and toys and boy stuff.
Not the one that holds a jar of clay in a place it hurts to see Your name.
Andrew Christopher Dorsey.
It seems so wrong.
It hurts so much.
But listen!
Listen to my heart.
The place where names are eternal,
That is where your name belongs and IS.
In a book; not on a box .
In a book; not on a name plate under the red flowers.
In a book; the Lamb’s Book,
Where Eternal Life has signed your name.
Andrew Christopher Dorsey


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 New
I started a new writing project today inspired by Andrew. It's entitled "Signed, Sealed and Delivered". I hope to share it here soon.
Bible Study
'Still looking but thinking of writing my own.
*Can you see the skateboard on the marker?
The pine boughs at the bottom corners we chose because we have FIVE pine trees in our front yard.

43 comments:

  1. My heart hurts for you! When I hear you talk of Andrew I am always inspired to remember to treasure each day with my children!

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  2. Thanks for the tears and for sharing sweet Andrew with us.

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  3. Crying! The marker is perfect. I love your poem. Just posted on Finding Hope on FB. I'm trying to find the pic but we have pine trees on Nathan's marker too. Love you.

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  4. I have been thinking about you and praying for you. Wishing you a soul hug this season. xo.

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  5. Hi Melanie,

    What a poem. So heartfelt. So real. You are such a good mother. Thank you for sharing so personally with us. I am praying for you and yours this week. I will never forget your son.

    Oh yeah, many years ago I wrote a devo called Signed Sealed and Delivered. :)I can't wait for you to share more.Anything inspired by Andrew will be great!

    Gently hugging you,
    tiff

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  6. Oh,Melanie. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing these thoughts and feelings with us. I wish I could help you carry them. My oldest son was born 12-3-96 and has just turned 14. So, I am even more thankful for him because of what you show me and share with me. Thank you for that. Sending you much love, concern and prayers!

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  7. I think this is the best idea of all, Melanie. YOU write the study, God's study, through the lens of His love, sharing what only your heart can, in this journey you are on. It's already blooming in yur heart... Andrew will shine through your words... I can't wait!

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  8. You know you are in our thoughts and prayers, this week, especially. Your poem is truth... hold on to it.

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  9. Excited about that study Mel...

    I read this verse for the first time today. And I thought of YOU.

    It is the dead He raises to life, the barren and dry He pours out upon, the weak and wounded He lifts up,

    It is the Arabah that becomes the showcase of His glory (Isaiah 35:1-2).

    Love you♥

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  10. Melanie, each time you write I think that the loving heart of a mom shines though. The skateboard at Andrew's marker is beautiful.

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  11. Prayers for you. The marker is beautiful.

    xo

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  12. Hi Melanie,

    I love the skateboard, the pines,and the family of 5 ohh and your poem. Love is eternal. Forever. Thank you for allowing us to share in Andrew's life via the blog. You have gifted me with many moments that live in my heart. I think of you and pray for you all the time. love, Barbara

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  13. A beautiful and well thought our marker that is. And the poem; what can I say? The pain is still present but I love how you are inspired to share Melanie.

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  14. Write God's study, friend.....simply inspire.

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  16. As I read your words this morning, words from a mother's heart, I was reminded again of the previty of life. My heart aches for you and your family this Christmas. I want more than ever to take time for those in my life. To appreciate them, to listen to them, and to walk with them through their lives. I can't tell you how much I have learned from you and your family through this blog, recording your journey. Thank you for sharing and for this beautiful poem remembering one very special guy.

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  17. Melanie, I too have wondered why I could not have taken my child's place, I would have gladly gone. Instead we are left with this heartbreak. I am thinking and praying for you at this time, you have been so nice to me and I truly appreciate it. Only mothers who have been through this truly understand. My son's birthday is the 21st and I brought him home on Christmas Eve, what a joy he was.This was his favorite time of year as I made his birthday special because I made sure not to lump it in with Christmas. I hope you have a peaceful Christmas with the love of your family surrounding you.........Mickey

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  18. Lord I give thanks to you for the Dorsey family. You know what they need at every moment. I pray they see your Presence today and feel our love for them. Thank you Jesus for Andrew's life and how he touched our hearts. We love you. B

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  19. Saying special prayers today for you, my sweet friend. Thank you for choosing to pour out your heart like a beautiful offering and share your fragrance with us. I love the shoes. I love you.

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  20. My prayers go out for you and your family this year as you enter this Christmas season. God bless you!

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  21. Wonderful, poignant remembrance and perfectly in keeping with a Bethlehem journey to the manger. It is because of that one moment in time, we have many more moments to come--eternal ones with the ones we love. Those who've gone before; those who'll come behind. I look forward to sharing those moments with all believer and to meeting your Andrew.

    peace to your grieving heart this day~elaine

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  22. Father God, here You lead me today, Dec. 15th, ....

    Father, I thank You that we have a High Priest who is able to understand and sympathize and have a fellow feeling with Melanie and her family's weaknesses and infirmities (grief over the loss of their precious child/brother). Therefore, I fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace; that this precious family may receive mercy and find grace to help in good time for every need -appropriate and well-timed help, coming just when they need it.
    Father, I thank You that they do not sorrow, as one who has no hope, because they believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so Andrew also who sleeps in Jesus will God bring back with Him. I ask that You comfort this family for You said, Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
    Jesus, You have come to heal the brokenhearted. It is in the name of Jesus that You, Father, comfort this family because You have loved them and given them everlasting consolation and good hope through grace.
    Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforts this family in all their tribulation,that they may be able to comfort those which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith they are comforted by God.
    Father, thank You for appointing unto this family who mourns in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called a tree of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that You might be glorified. amen amen amen

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  23. Melanie~The marker is beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes. Every time we go to Williamsburg or other historical places the markers always capture my heart. It is clear that a lot of love and thought went into your precious Andrew's and yes, I can see the skateboard! :)

    The visual of you walking around in Andrew's shoes wishing that you could have taken his place made the sobs begin...sweet sister, I cannot imagine how difficult this year has been. Christ comforted my own soul with the thought that He did fill the shoes for our soul's eternity.

    I am praying God will continue to pour out His healing upon you and your family and that He will bring about beauty from the ashes in powerful ways that are easy for all of you to see.

    Love and continuing prayer,

    Shanda

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  24. Thank you for sharing. The marker is beautifully designed! I am looking forward to your writing, Melanie. God's Love surround you and yours

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  25. Last year I did an in depth study on Jesus' mother, Mary, and I reposted them this season of Christmas on the Bible Study. The joy and heartbreak of motherhood is so poignant and deep; human yet God inspired. I'm praying for God's special touch and presence to be with you all.
    much love,
    Debra

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  27. I am weeping with you right now...today. Wish I could hug you so we could just miss our boys together.

    Love,
    Sandy

    p.s. deleted last comment because of typo. hard to weep and type at the same time. :)

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  28. Lifting you and yours up today knowing the God of all Comfort has HIS loving arms around each one of you!

    Hugs and Love!

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  29. Oh Melanie soo many thoughts and prayers with you today. I love the marker, it is just perfect. And the poem moved me to tears...looking forward to that new writing project. HUGS, Debbie

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  30. Hello Melanie, I'm a friend of Sandy Coopers. I wanted to let you know that my prayers are with you and your family during this Christmas season.

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  31. Dear Jesus...
    I am lifting up Melanie and her sweet family to you today (December 15th). I know their hearts must be hurting and they need your comfort and grace today.

    Be with them in special ways today and carry them through....and thank you for the promise of seeing Andrew again one day.

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  33. Keeping your family in my heart and prayers. We remember and we speak his name often. Andrew...he touched our lives forever. My love to you friend. ~Brandi

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  34. Many special prayers today Melanie, it's a day that needs gentle comforting hugs from the Father, the very Father who hugs you in one arm and Andrew in the other. May His grace cover you all, this day and always.

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  35. I found your blog by way of Lisa's blog post today. I am stopping by to say may God keep you and bless you this Christmas season.

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  36. I'm here via Lisa's FB post. Saying a prayer for continued love and grace of the Father upon you all.

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  37. Wanted to tell you again that I love you and have thought about you and Andrew all day.

    Sandy

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  38. You and your sweet family are on my heart and in my prayers.

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  39. May God continue to comfort your heart today and in the days to come. Nothing can contain the love we have for our children....your poem is beautiful and yes...His name is written in eternity. What a sweet reunion that will be. As a mother who also has had to let her son go into the arms of Jesus, but at a much younger age....I know that pain well and look forward to the day I'll see him again.

    And the shoes.....what a picture of you in your precious boys shoes, walking around the house....it makes me think of God....that He has walked in our shoes...He suffered and it is in His suffering that He knows ours intimately. May you feel His presence today in a powerful way.

    Much love in Christ,
    Stacy

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  40. Tonight, December 15, 2010, I cannot imagine the depth of your pain, I can only share my heart which wished it could hold you and shield you from the truth. I pray, unable to understand fully yet desperately desiring to understand in part. Tonight I sigh, knowing it's not fair but believing God has purpose!! Tonight my heart longs to connect with your if only for a moment to say I care. Peace~

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  41. May The "God of Peace Rule" in your Heart Today!Love and Blessings to you and Your Family for a Wonderful Glory~Filled Christmas.

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  42. I saw your blog over a year ago, and I "check in" with you every once in a while to see how you're doing. I just wanted you to know that I've prayed and cried with you, and cried again today when I watched your sermon at your church (in November). How faithful the Lord has been to you, and what amazing truths that you have learned as you've kept your eyes on Him. Thank you for sharing. I somehow needed to hear that today.
    Connie, Winnipeg, Canada

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  43. Melanie,
    I've been away from blogging for a while. I've decided to get back on here and try to start back up again. I've missed everyone.
    I'm home alone this morning and as I am sitting here reading your recent posts I have tears running down my cheeks. May God bless you and continue to give you strength & peace.
    Have you read the book "Heaven Is For Real" by Todd Burpo?
    My mom saw Todd & his little boy interviewed on Fox News & she bought the book & recommended it to me. I think anyone who has a child in heaven would be extremely blessed and encouraged by this book.
    Bless you Melanie! Love & big hugs from Oklahoma!
    Valerie

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