In The Midst of the Waves

Andrew

I can breathe again. Thank you for your kind words and prayers.

I ran last night. I ran fast and it felt good. After the first mile I pulled the elastic that held my hair and slipped it over my wrist. Immediately I felt the tension ease from my scalp. The breeze blew my hair over my shoulders. I thought about people who are hurting and want so badly for the tension and pain they face to be gone. To ease. To let up.

Andrew faces the wave.

I thought of someone I know who has faced many losses in her life and I have more compassion for her than ever before. She has made unwise decisions in her desperation for the emotional pain to ease. I understand her better now.

Yesterday I read Psalm 27 ~ Andrew's psalm.
I thought how often I read those fourteen verses to Andrew, over Andrew and as a prayer for Andrew.

The 13th and 14th verses read:

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed

That I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.


Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!"


Yesterday the ocean's waves settled a bit. I was able to stand again and take a deep breath.

Today I will fix my hair. I will remove the weeks old polish from a gift certificate pedicure my good friend gave me. I will put some tea bags on my swollen eyes. I will bake some banana bread and some pumpkin spice muffins, too.

I will read 5 Psalms and a Proverb. I will be grateful for the gift of mothering Andrew for nearly 13 years. I will smile at the thought of seeing him again and kissing those "freckers."

Andrew ~ summer '09

People who have walked this same path tell me I am experiencing the normal process of grieving. An employee of Hospice, who also lost a son, told me it was two years before she felt like herself again.

I will do my best to live in my present and invest in my future. I will lay up my treasure in Heaven where neither moth nor rust destroys nor thieves break in and steal.

My husband and our boys, Avery & Andrew ~ summer '09

I do not know how many more times the wave of intense emotional pain will knock me underwater. But I am determined to build myself up in the "meantimes" so that I know without fear of doubt that my life is preserved by the One who will never leave me. Just as I know He was in the middle of the storm with me last year, I know He is in the midst of the waves as well.

My niece, Hayley...I wrote the verse to accompany her joyous jump!
"She leaps in the sunset,
Water at her feet.
Arms in joyful pose,
Blessings are replete."