The Bella ~ Mella: Rain and Sun

Apr 18, 2010

Bring On The Rain...But Not For Long, Please.

It's a rainy Sunday with cloudy, gray skies.

Lately I have wanted to be out in the sun as much as possible. But today may be an "inside day."

I received so many kind and moving comments and emails regarding my last two posts (Untitled parts One & Two). Thank you so very much!

I am finding grief to be an unpredictable emotion. I smile, laugh, cry and experience disbelief all in a matter of minutes. Sometimes I simply cannot believe that Andrew had brain cancer and died. A year ago this time, he was skateboarding, doing his artwork, and rushing through his math assignments. Knowing we will all be together in Eternity pulls me through many rough and rocky moments. Because, truly, this life is only a breath.

Sometimes I think about what I would trade to have him back. I go through a mental list...our house and everything in it, our vehicles...all stuff.

Everything and Anything.

What I would not trade is one of my other children. I don't add my husband because I know that both he and I would have given our own lives for that of Andrew. Either of us would have exchanged our lives for his.

So I remind myself of what I would not trade. A mother would not willingly choose to exchange the life of one child for another. I remind myself of this so that I use the time I still have to pour love into my other two children.

I don't want to inadvertently "shortchange" my son and daughter because I am mired in grief. It is a choice. It is hard. It is necessary.

I also want to share "Andrew's Message" every chance I get. His message is the fragrance of Christ.

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him " 2 Corinthians 2:14 NIV.

~My Week in the Sun~