Untitled ~ part Two

“Do you want to stay in the room while I wash his body?”

Andrew had just passed from this earth to Heaven and his hands and lips were already tinged with blue. It was a moment in time when every particle of my body and mind wanted to give in and go with my son.

I wondered, “Can I simply will myself to die?”

I remembered the words I had whispered in my friend’s ear as she embraced me upon hearing Andrew’s diagnosis.
“If this doesn’t turn out like we are hoping and praying, I want to die, too.”

My worst fear was spread out before me. My beautiful twelve year old son lay in a hospital bed. No longer with us. Bright, red blood stained his upper right sleeve and the bed sheet. One of the IV's had left a pool of blood when the nurse had removed it. I hated seeing that blood and I asked the nurse to please change his gown. Seeing my son’s spilled blood upset me and I wanted it cleaned up.

The compassionate, young nurse presented me with options.
“You can leave the room while I wash his body. Or you can stay while I wash his body. Or you can help me wash his body. It’s up to you. Whatever you feel you want to do.”
I was not going to leave my son. I would help wash Andrew.
I had given him his first bath and I would give him his last.

The nurse was so gentle with my son and I wept quietly as we bathed the body of the boy I loved. I washed his perfect face with his still flawless skin. Then under his neck where I had so often scrubbed those dirty neck rings boys get from playing hard. Next I gently ran the warm, wet cloth over his legs and his feet.

Those were the same feet I had washed time and again when he was a little boy.

I thought back to that day, when in my small bathroom, I washed his toddler sized feet in the sink and felt the presence of God in such a powerful way.

When the nurse and I were finished, I kissed Andrew’s face, his shoulder, his hands and, finally, I kissed his feet.
How beautiful are the feet of those who bring the gospel of peace.

In the days to come, many of our neighbors would tell us how Andrew had impacted their lives and those of their children.
They told us how they had admired Andrew’s skill as he skateboarded on our street, how patient he had been with the younger boys and how they looked up to our son. We also heard that Andrew was always polite and friendly. And that trademark smile!

One day I will see that smile again. One day I will kiss his flawless face again. One day I will kiss my boy’s feet again.

But I have a feeling that before I do all of that, Andrew will lead me to Jesus and show me HIS nail scarred hands and feet. And I will kneel and I will wash HIS feet with my tears.

And then I will kiss the feet of Jesus.

"How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, ‘Your God reigns!’”

Isaiah 52:7