Feb 25, 2010
We were in San Antonio and I "googled" best places to eat in SA. We ate breakfast here 3 mornings in a row. One Fine Man got blueberry pancakes, Guitar Girl got buckwheat pancakes. TechSon got oatmeal cookie pancakes, SkateBoy got French Toast...and I got bacon pancakes and convinced One Fine Man to trade one of his for one of mine because savory and sweet are the PERFECT combination.
A cheese stick...
In receiving this, I am to tell 7 things about myself. I'll try to think of 7 things I haven't already blogged.
Feb 24, 2010
Excerpted in part from God Visits In the Valley from 2/09 ~
"As a babe in the womb, I was in church. My parents were in full time ministry so, naturally, my mother carried me to church from the very beginning. But it was not only in church that I learned about praying and hearing God's voice."
Because my parents were in full time ministry up until 2 years ago, so much of who I am and how I deal with life is a direct result of living life in a parsonage. Just like anyone else, there is the good, the really good, the bad and the real bad. Having said that, I realize some children have lives that are most often in the real bad category. And for that, I am so sorry. A person's 'filter' is greatly influenced by the growing up years. For better. For worse. That is life. And if I had to change anything, there would be only a few things here and there. So that is good and I am grateful.
"It was under the tutelage of both my parents (at church and at home) that I learned to pray and listen to God. I grew up hearing my father call my name in prayer as well as the names of my brothers and our church family. Many afternoons I came home from school to hear my mother from her bedroom crying out to God on behalf of our family and church members. Hearing your parents pray and shed tears like that changes who you are. It stays with you. And their sharing the things that God impressed on them as a result of their devotion and prayer led me to want to pray and hear from God, too."
Church Family ~ we had a lot of 'church family.' My dad was one of those pastors who got called upon to move across country and 'fix' a problem. One problem he 'fixed' meant that at one place we only stayed 3 months. God graced my dad to use humor in the pulpit to help heal a church who had just gone through a devastating split. The Holy Spirit worked through Dad and Mother and the balm of Gilead was worked through the church in that "merry heart" kind of way. Please know that I am literally talking about people in the pews laughing at my dad's "funnies."
(From kindergarten - 12th grade, I lived in 10 different cities in 7 states ~ I think that's right. I may have "new girl" syndrome, too. Oh well. Everybody has a story and mine has some funny parts.)
"I have noticed in my life, and that of other Christians, that walking through a valley often results in a desperation to know HIM more and to hear from HIM ~ to follow hard after HIM and to lean heavily upon HIM. It is while walking through my own valley recently, that I have sought HIM more desperately, and heard HIM more clearly."
The valley I walked through last year this same time would be a welcome exchange from the one I walk now. To be honest, some days I am not really walking...I am sitting in a fog. I am screaming when no one else is home, my hot face pressed to the relief of cold tile floor. I am trying to get my breath. I am trying not to get too defensive even though I am rubbed raw by the "stuff" that came with cancer in a young son's brain that resulted in his death. (But...I think I get an "F" or maybe a "D-" on the defensive part.)
I understand how a dash of salt in well meaning words stings even though that was not the dasher's intent. One thing is certain in this valley, too, I want HIM. My heart longs for HIM. A friend, who is currently walking through a horrible valley herself, told me a few weeks ago that my "grief is too loud for me to hear HIM." This same message came from two sources who do not know each other. I think it is true and there is no sting.
"The 23rd Psalm speaks of walking through a valley.
Notice how the psalmist goes from talking about God: 'The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down; He leads me; He restores…'to talking to God.
'Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; You are with me; Your rod and staff comfort me; You prepare a table; You anoint my head with oil...' "
While we would seldom, if ever, choose the valley, it is often a valley experience that enables us to go deeper with God.
It is as if God says, 'I've been expecting you; let’s visit.' And so like any good host, He prepares a table (v. 5a) and he refreshes his guest (v. 5b). The anointing oil of verse five is not the priestly anointing oil, but the Oriental perfumed oil ~ a sign of favor and excellent hospitality."
I have thoughts on why things are allowed in this life but I will not attempt to write about that in any kind of depth. I am in a place where I realize I may change my mind about some things in 6 weeks or 6 months. This is all I will say about it: When Adam and Eve sinned and the earth was cursed, I believe that evil in all of its forms was then allowable. Sin and its fall-out, including disease, was allowed with that first bite of disobedience. So I am not convinced that things are either "allowed" or "dis-allowed" on a case by case, person by person, basis.
However, I am THANKFUL, FILLED WITH GRATITUDE, that the Second Adam, Jesus, took the whipping ("chastisement" ~ Isaiah 53:5) for our peace.
"If you find yourself walking through a valley, pull up a chair, sit down, and visit with God. He has a table ready and he’s an excellent host."
Pull up a chair...or just lie on the ground with a stone (or a tile floor) for your pillow. Either way HE is already there. And HE is most excellent.
If you should care to read the original post, it is here. (photo ~unknown source)
Feb 23, 2010
"Today my heart is restless. My senses seem to be highly sensitive. The sounds in my home sound louder. The clutter is more cluttery. And my mental to-do list? It's getting on my last nerve.
But I also sense a tug at my heart. In fact I think it may be the remedy for my restless heart.
Feb 22, 2010
It is an awkward place in which I sit, stand, and lie…pushing Comfort away…then tapping on its shoulder. Too confusing for Comfort? It must be and I am sorry for that.
My mind words, images and make-believe conversations rush like the Hoover Dam broke loose.
I can talk to lots of folks but they aren’t even in the room. Still, the dialogue runs like a winding road. Real and imagined phrases like stones to scramble over. Stones yet to be smoothed from water’s wearing.
But Your water will wash over me again and fill all the cracked places and natural crevices. Your friend Job ~ that scary Ancient? He called You, a “watcher of men” and was a burden even for his own back to carry.
Yes, messy man Job, the tome I feared most and mostly avoided. Now I am stuck with you in a weird place...messing around in the dark.
Oh Abba, I think my honest words are ok with you. My freshman year request is often on my lips ~ “Now let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in Your sight...”
Oh, yes, Lord! Strength. Place and person of Redemption.
My love to you this morning!
(photo by Linda Charlene)
*freshman year request - As a college student, Psalm 19:14 was our chapel benediction.
Feb 19, 2010
Christmas 2008 ~ Skateboard "heaven"
Christmas 2009 ~ Heaven
A little video of our last ski trip December '08. It is the last time we will ski with Andrew here. It was the trip that One Fine Man broke his leg. Clearly, I do not know how my camera works.
This is video Audra took on our summer trip to San Antonio in 2008. Andrew usually had a "candy stash." I decided the boys could grow their hair long through the summer...a little shaggy but who cares? Not I.
Feb 18, 2010
Natural man with his feel like a natural woman ate an apple and the buffet was downgraded.
But, You, You gave your heart, the Apple of Your eye. So natural man and this feel like a natural woman were rescued by spiritual man, the Son of God and Son of man.
That is the miracle. There is the healing. Manifest in the Second Mile Man. Metaphors mix in a revved up mind.
Come to the table! Come break the bread...
And I hear a young son's voice say, "This is amazing."
Feb 15, 2010
The winds were so high in the mountain passes I thought at any moment my vehicle would be blown over the divider to plunge how far - I had no clue. Later I heard the winds were gusting in excess of 85 - 100 mph. Then it began to snow. I have lived in Florida for 19 years. Enough said. White knuckling the steering wheel, I prayed. I sang. I cried. I told myself to focus, focus, focus. I thought about pulling over for a while but the idea of driving the rest of the way in the dark was scary, too. Then there were the signs:
I found this picture on an old blog post today. At times, Andrew and I played Scrabble a lot. Sometimes we could only come up with 3 and 4 letter words. Some days we would keep the board up for hours and work a little at a time. "I went. It's your turn, Mom." I miss my Scrabble buddy. I miss my boy. One more morning, one day closer.
Feb 12, 2010
By Melanie Dorsey
You fell in love with a girl who had dreams
Wearing a teal dress with a big wide bow.
You know the one.
You’ve told me so.
To One Fine Man
Who gives me room to breathe and think,
Even when my thoughts and words crowd yours.
Tease me, smile my way and wink.
Days, months, years
In cash flow and red ink.
To One Fine Man
Smoothed my hair and held me close,
Prayed me through when shadows rose.
Now you shoulder your load and mine,
Richer, pure love over time.
To One Fine Man
Who loves this woman
Who spins big dreams
With words in song, prayer, poetry
Come, lie awhile and spin with me.
(photo by one of my boys; video by Mel)
Feb 11, 2010
Oh Abba, dear Abba, Let me climb up in your daddy lap and cry awhile. The heart of Daddy protects and provides. That’s what I need today. For you well know the enemy of my soul seeks to sift and destroy. But, You, Daddy ~ You are on guard. You wall me in. Your hand upon my head is both my father and my mother. The maternal hand smoothes furrowed brow and whispers words in dulcet tones while Daddy’s arms are strong and gentle. So safe is Daddy’s lap for daughter.
I am yours. You are mine.
Now in His Name who fixed my way to Father, Amen.
Feb 10, 2010
A box cannot contain my love for you nor who you are.
Not any kind of box.
Not the ones that will store clothes and toys and boy stuff.
Not the one that holds a jar of clay in a place it hurts to see your name.
Andrew C. Dorsey.
It seems so wrong.
It hurts so much.
Listen to my heart.
The place where names are eternal,
That’s where your name belongs and is.
In a book, not on a box .
In a book, not on a name plate under the red flowers.
In a book, the Lamb’s Book,
Where Eternal Life has signed your name.
Andrew Christopher Dorsey
Feb 9, 2010
We are yours.
Have your way.
Just going through some pictures...
So Andrew...I just love him...and oh...how I miss him.
The Fam...in Gruene, TX
Short-haired girl, shaggy boys!
That T-shirt One Fine Man is wearing is one of 2 I have threatened to burn. I have just seen enough of them...especially 2 years in a row in our Thanksgiving pic! But, I sure love the man inside the T.
(taken spring -09...before the nightmare began)
'Can't help lovin' that man of mine...
One Fine Man sent me the sweetest email from work yesterday. He is so patient with me. I have books everywhere, get the bed made maybe 2 x a week, leave dishes in the sink until a burst of adrenaline hits me...and I'm pretty much a mess most of the time now. But he loves me.
Feb 8, 2010
To “be still and know” seems not enough. Or too much. In the silence, I stifle a scream. In the stillness, my body rocks. Back and forth. An empty chair moved by the wind. In this world, we will have trouble. Be of good cheer? Yes, alright. The eternal truth that You, indeed, have overcome is the only promise that my heart hears, that my frame obeys.
But not for long. The sighs, the moans, my son’s name under my breath, and the agitated movement of his mother’s body begin again. Yet there will be a day when morning brings more than mourning and silence and stillness are no longer my enemies. Others confide it happens. It must.
My love to You this morning, Abba, for perhaps it is Your ruah that rocks me.
Feb 7, 2010
I am not angry with you; I feel I must tell you this, though you are well acquainted with my thoughts and my ways. Remember Friday afternoon when I told you “I miss You”? It is true. I miss our companionship when I thought I understood You. But I am finding I do not understand Your thoughts, Your ways, Your timing. I know the oft-quoted scripture that Your ways and thoughts are higher than mine. But I thought You were the revealer of Your mystery. Remember You said to call unto You and You would answer? You would show me great and mighty things that I do not know. Do You reveal your mysteries? Or was that just for Jeremiah? See, Abba? I do not know the answers. But this I do know. You loved me before I knew You. You sent your only begotten Son that I might have a chance at life. And your Son, my friend, my brother, asked if there was another way. There wasn’t. I wanted another way. Nevertheless…
Feb 6, 2010
Did ancient Rizpah pray to you as she beat off birds by day and beasts by night? I imagine her hands never resting and her heart beating fast.
I want to know, did she feel her mind would go before her body? But the King intervened…finally. Her sons’ honor restored and thus hers.
You see the birds that swoop. You hear the snarl of beasts. You, my King, are my only hope. Restore, I pray to You.
Feb 5, 2010
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
(photo ~ Linda Charlene)
Feb 4, 2010
Trusting in a Savior
Neither one could see.
Hands served and hands raised,
Suppers on tables,
God they praised.
I want to be
What they showed me.
Both in Heaven
photography by my friend ~ Linda Charlene
The morning of 2/4/10
"Abba, the ancient Homer said it is a “disgrace to stay long and return empty.” But who is he? Just a Greek. You, Father, are Creator. Your hand tips and empties. Your hand scoops and fills. I will stay long with you, and empty or full, I will not be disgraced. Like your son, I have set my face like flint and I will not be ashamed. In the strong name ~ Jesus ~ Amen."
The morning of 2/3/10
"Father, as I seek Your face, I realize there is no where else to go. Wherever I go, You find me. You breathe and I am moved under your maternal wing. I stir and Your eye is ever watchful. I tell You I trust You with my treasures. Some are here. Some are there. All are in Your keeping. The night is long but the moon still shines on the water. In the name of Your Son, Jesus. Amen"
The morning of 2/2/10
"Father, your grace is enough. Perfect your strength in my weakness, for I am weak and undone. And may I take pleasure in distresses that the power of your son may rest upon me. Regardless of my heart break, may You lead me in triumph and allow me to spread the fragrance of Christ as I stand, as I walk,as I kneel. Your will is the only way for me. In the name above all names ~ Jesus ~ Amen."